where has the hope gone?

Where has the hope gone?

I woke up around 8 in pain. I took some pain meds and went to the bathroom. I fell back to sleep only to wake up in pain again. I called my friend to tell him I wasn’t going to see him or my friends south of Boston. I felt pretty crummy about cancelling as I was really looking forward to going. My friends understood. They still love me but some how I feel so hopeless. I know it is because of the stuff the PT did yesterday that I am hurting and it’s not always going to be like this. My brain does know this but my feelings are in this abyss of things are never going to get better. I just want to die right now. Just end my life so I don’t have to hurt anymore.

I emailed my psychiatrist last night to tell her the good news about PT. I asked her, again, for an appt time and she responded with one. It’s next Friday morning. I will have my name changed by then, I hope.

I’m going to cry myself to sleep now. I just hurt too much.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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