waking up in pain

Waking up in pain, all day in pain, can’t sleep because of pain, when will it end???

Around 0430, I woke up in pain. I had to use the bathroom and was walking ok until I left the bathroom. My foot exploded in pain. It was hard to walk back up the stairs to my room. I thought about calling my psychiatrist but what can she do? She can’t do anything. I feel so frustrated. I took my strong pain pill and some Neurontin. I also took some fiber so I can have a bowel movement. I hate being backed up because of meds.

Looks like today is going to be another day in bed. I just don’t care. I wanted to go to the Square for some espresso. If I feel up to it later, maybe I will make some coffee at home. I still have my Hawaiian coffee. I now use spring water to make my coffee rather than tap water. It makes the coffee taste better.

My last grocery order I bought some Boar’s Head bacon. It’s already cooked, you just microwave it to heat it up. I might make a bacon and egg burrito when I make the coffee. It all depends on how I feel.

I got the results of my blood tests. My cholesterol and HDL are over the normal by 1 point. My doc said that it was “very mildly elevated”. It could be the meds causing it. I’m not worried about it. If it was more than a few points, I might be. Everything else looks good.

Man my foot is hurting so damn bad. It feels like it is being crushed. I hope I get back to sleep soon but I’m not sure because of the pain I am in. I took some Ativan to calm me down as I am getting upset by the pain.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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