another day of messing up

Another day of messing up

I woke up around 730 or so, I am not sure. I know I took my pain meds and then did my business in the bathroom. I think I recorded taking the pills in my Google drive excel sheet. I could have sworn I emailed the file to myself. Least I thought I did. I left the house around 0820 to go to Starbucks for breakfast. I had breakfast and then I went to work on the file. I had some difficulty connecting to Starbucks WiFi so I just used my hotspot. I check my email and there was no file attached. I checked my phone to see where it saved to and got nothing. I just figured I could work on the spreadsheet online. HUGE mistake. Either my computer was slow and couldn’t keep up or the internet connection was shit. Either way, whatever I did was saved, thus preventing me from undoing whatever I did. I lost ALL MY DATA FOR THE YEAR!!! I have no idea if there is a way to recover it or not. I was so annoyed I just fumed.

My cousin called me and told me my uncle was in the hospital. He didn’t tell me which one so I was like whatever. No one tells me anything anyway so I am not worried. I decided to go to my PCP’s office to get my scripts. As I was responding to some message, my sister called me telling me she was taking my mother to the doctors and that my uncle was at the place I was going to. After I picked up the scripts I went over to the building where my uncle was. A lot of walking. I stood the whole half hour or so while I visited. My ankle and back didn’t like that one bit. Around 1130, I left to go home and wished my uncle well and get better soon. He was thankful I visited.

I got home and wondered what time I had taken my pain meds. I figure around 1500 I would take them. I marked it in my med app to remind me of the next dose. I recorded it but didn’t take the meds. Then I got busy with my niece coming home from school and my mother coming home from the doctors. I had made a cup of coffee as my niece came home. I’ll probably be up all night but I think pain is going to be a major factor. My mother got settled and then I cooked dinner for my niece, my mother, and I. Nothing fancy just hot dogs and beans for my mother and I and mac and cheese for my niece. When we were finished and I was cleaning up, I didn’t feel right. I started feeling like I did the other day when I missed my pain meds. Uh oh. I went up to my room to take my meds but my damn bowels decided to act up. I had to run downstairs and I just made it to the bathroom. My ankle and foot didn’t like the run part at all. When I had finished, the liquid soap was out so I refilled it. That was the intention. I got the stupid soap every where because the hole in the bottle was small and caused an air bubble. I was ready to say fuck it when I figured out how to get it in. My back didn’t like standing while I emptied the small bottle of liquid soap and neither did my ankle. I was getting really dizzy and needed to get to my bed. Soon as went to my room, I took my meds. Now I got to fight off the withdrawal until they kick in.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to another day of messing up

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    oh gosh hun what a day! i’m sorry you had withdrawals. that really sucks. I sit here and I wish I could do more to help you. I hate it when your in so much pain. xoxox

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s