tough news

Tough news

I woke up with my med alarm going off. I had set it so that I could be better at taking my morning blood pressure pills. My ankle kind of hurt so I thought it was going to be okay to stand up and go to the bathroom. NOT. Standing up brought a lot of pain and I knew the day was going to be shot. I gingerly went downstairs with the cane as I didn’t have time to put on the boot. My bladder said now and it meant it. As I was moving about, the pain kind of got better but didn’t go away. I wasn’t going to chance flaring it up while making cookies so that will be tomorrow’s quest.

I went back up to my room and then my bowels needed to be emptied. Seriously? Seriously. I went back downstairs and did my business. I had emailed my psych because my chin was twitching and I didn’t know if it was a side effect of the Invega. She said it could be like the eyelid twitching as she didn’t think it was due to the Invega. I was relieved. It is still weird to have the twitching though. Might be pain related as I really clenched my muscles when I had the cramp at PT to stop crying.

My mother had a visiting nurse come. She has had PT and RNs come to the house the last few weeks because she is having a hard time getting around. I waited for the nurse to leave before I went back downstairs to make some breakfast. I told my mother I really would like mac and cheese the way she makes it for dinner. It is basically elbows and American cheese melted on top. It is quick and easy and I love it.

Around 1230 or so, I get a response from my PCP. It wasn’t good news. He is a fink. He said that he was skeptical about playing around with my pain meds. But a longer acting pain sound okay for me. But he wanted me to be seen by a pain doc. I was fuming so hard I started crying. I responded that why couldn’t he tell me this 2 months ago and now I will have to wait at last another month or two for the appt. That is like 4 months I have/will suffer. Thanks doc. Do you sign death certificates the way you handle chronic pain patients?? (or something like that). I cried for an hour. I still am crying though not as bad. I told my mother to cancel my birthday party. I didn’t want to see anyone, not even my family.

Then some other PT or nurse came and I had to go downstairs with my face a mess. Great. I had to open the door for her because my mother couldn’t make the stairs. I let her in and then got some salami from my sister’s house to make a sandwich for lunch. I came back to my room, figuring I would make the sandwich after the PT or whoever she was left except I finally managed to nap. I slept okay. My bladder woke me up and my sister was calling me. She wanted to know why I canceled my party. I told her I didn’t want to see anyone or do anything. She asked if she wanted to go for lunch or something and I said no.

My mother had left me a message as I was drifting off to sleep. I asked her what she wanted and she wanted to know why I was crying. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it as I just stopped crying and didn’t want to start again. I am crying as I am typing this because I am still upset my PCP is a fink. I just can’t believe he couldn’t tell me this two months ago. I could have made an appt and had meds I needed by now. The fink also said that trying the Vimpat for at least two weeks might help me. WTF seriously??!! There is no data to support that. I will only be on 50 mg for a week before increasing it to 100 mg, taking 50 mg twice a day. I wanted to put the med alarm in place so that I could take my meds twice a day as I usually sleep too late, especially when I have difficult nights falling asleep due to pain. I have no idea how I am going to react to this med and I hope that it is favorable.

The fink wants ME to call the pain clinic for an appt. I will have to look up the number as I’ve never been a patient there, I don’t think. If I was, it was before I developed CRPS. I fucking hate that I have to see another doctor and explain the whole story. And hope that he or she won’t turn me away when I tell them I don’t want injections of any kind. Only think I will be open to would be ketamine infusions. I really hope that when I have to refill my pain meds for next month, the fink allows it. Otherwise there is going to be problems.

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