Lunch with a friend and other things

I went to bed around 3. Pain was being such a fuck. I was getting hopeless and depressed. I sent my psychiatrist a message but she never responded. I see her Monday. I hope that she understands what I am going through.

I woke up around 6 and then around 830. I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my bed. I didn’t have to leave the house till around 1030. I had a list of things to do after I saw my friend for lunch. It would depend on how much pain I was in but I would try.

I went downstairs to put the groceries away. The delivery came and I just put away the frozen and refrigerated stuff. I left everything else as I wanted to sleep. My mother was up. She asked why I left the stuff and I told her why. I did three trips to the kitchen, my office, and the back porch. I was exhausted afterward. I didn’t feel like showering. I went upstairs and got dressed. I brought my tote bag with me as I didn’t feel like carrying my backpack. I grabbed my mug for coffee. I needed coffee.

It was cold and the wind made it colder. I didn’t wear my scarf. I wish I did. The bus seemed to take forever. It finally came after twenty minutes. I thought about ordering a mobile order for Starbucks but I didn’t know what I wanted to drink. Even when I got there, I was staring at the menu. I finally decided on a toffee latte and a cheese danish.

I brought my journal along in case I had time to write but I didn’t. I took a few sips of the latte to make room for the lid and then left for the train station. As I was walking to the station, my friend messaged me about meeting 15 mins later. That was no problem. I waited for her at the restaurant.

We had a good time catching up. The food was good. We talked about all kind of things. The last conversation we had was about our friend who died by suicide 2 years ago. It was something we were hoping to avoid but couldn’t. Chris was a close friend to her than I was. She told me aspects of his life I didn’t know and it made me angry the his partner treated him wrongly. It was sad that he took his life for reasons only he would know.

My friend and I parted. She went back to her building and I went off to do my errands. I literally went around one big circle, with the train station being the starting point. I did all the I wanted and added one. I made an appt with a new eye doc as my doc retired. I need new glasses as I have been having trouble reading with the ones I have.

I went back to the Square and froze as I waited for the bus. I missed the 1420 so had to wait for the 1520. It was on time. I was feeling ok pain wise. Least I was until I got up at my stop. Then it felt like a rod went through my ankle. I limped the rest of the way home.

I got home and there was mail and some packages for me. I brought them inside, sorted them, and then dashed up the steps. I needed to use the bathroom. It was too late. I wet my pants and I wasn’t happy. I changed and then opened my packages. Some were for the kitchen as I bought a new electric can opener. Hope it is easy to use. The rest of the stuff I brought upstairs. My feet were ice cold. I put on a pair of socks. My mother was making the cod I bought yesterday for dinner. It was really good.

After dinner I was really cold and sleepy. I decided to take a nap. I wasn’t expecting the door bell to startle me awake. I woke up all disoriented, not knowing where I was or what time of day it was. I was still cold. I didn’t go downstairs to see what was going on. I snoozed for a bit before my bladder told me to get up again. I went downstairs and it was really cold. I turned up the heat a notch. Probably will regret it but least I’ll be warm!

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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