Saturday Blog 3-Feb-18

I had a decent sleep, the first in about three weeks. I had a little pain when my med reminder alarm went off this morning. I took some pain meds. I didn’t get out of bed and I don’t remember if I went back to sleep or not. I know I got up around 10 after deciding to order breakfast from McDonalds because I didn’t want to waste spoons. I really wanted to change my sheets today. I had breakfast, made coffee, and while drinking it, I finished my baseball history book. It was the first book of the year I read. I think I am going to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows next soon as I find where I put it. I have both hardcover and paperback. I like reading the hardcover but if I can’t find it in my stacks of books, I will read the paperback. I know where that is.

The baseball book wasn’t really what I was looking for. It was nice to know the history of the origins of game I love and how it flitted between organizations until the 1900s. It didn’t say when baseball created MLB as an organization, though it did say that the National League and American League were formed. However, it didn’t give the names of the teams and cities. It was frustrating because it would say the city names but not the team names at the time. For example, the oldest baseball team is the Cincinnati Reds. They were created in 1869 as the Cincinnati Red Stockings. Boston was formed in 1871 and also called the Red Stockings. It was called the Americans and Bostonians before they officially became the Red Sox around 1901. New York Yankees (which I call the Snakes, Skanks, or Skankees) weren’t formed until 1901 as the Baltimore Orioles (no relation to today’s Baltimore O’s) then became the New York Highlanders. I think it was around 1913 they became the Yanks, but I could be wrong. The Giants were formed before the Skanks and was based in New York before moving to California where they are now the San Francisco Giants. I really would love a book that has the history of the teams but isn’t made of stats or players names. The evolution of the game was great with this book but left me wanting more. I do have a Red Sox history book that a friend gave me for Christmas one year. I need to find it so I can read it.

I was tired after I finished the last chapter. I didn’t want to change my sheets but I forced myself to. I cleared off my “office”. I just put the crap in places where they wouldn’t fall. It will somehow accumulate back on my bed. Right now I just have my laptop, tissues, Kindle, and reacher on my bed.

Losing my mobility has been the hardest to accept. I’ve been asking myself if I am trying too hard or not trying enough to be the person I was before I was disabled. It is a tough position. I’ve accepted my mental illness since I realized I would always need medication for it if I was to survive but being physically impaired is very tough. Don’t take what you can do for granted, ever. You never know when you will lose it. Enjoy those walks

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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