A cup of tea with a little bit (ok a lot) of pain

A cup of tea with a little bit (ok a lot) of pain

I was supposed to go see my aunt today with my sisters but I hardly got any sleep last night and my pain was off the scale when I got up. I have no idea if it rained but it was cloudy most of the day. The temps have cooled off and I wish I could open my window. I hope to get my screen tomorrow after therapy.

I haven’t been that hungry today. I had a turkey roll up with chipotle mayo. I liked it but my stomach didn’t. I had my cake and other than a couple pieces of cornbread with my tea, that has been it. I will try to have a bowl of cereal later.

My sister called me and was telling me about the family history. Then she told me my cousin, who is as much a Sox fan as I am, was upset that I haven’t texted him all season about the game. HAHA I texted him and gave him the update. He thought I watched the game, but I don’t. I usually listen on the radio or just follow the chatter on twitter. We talked for a bit. I miss seeing him. I wish I had a car and can see them whenever I wanted but I don’t.

Last night after I put on diclofenac gel on my foot and ankle to try and calm it down so I could sleep, I tried to install the drivers to my laptop. Something wonky happened and the laptop restarted. I just shut it off and went to sleep. I tried again before writing and was able to load them without calling support! That is the first time. I am glad I somewhat remembered how to do it on the POS. Think I am going to rename that laptop POS and call this one Milo. Only seems fitting.

I need to make some time for reading. I haven’t been able to finish a book since February. I am about halfway through 1984. I don’t remember the last time I picked it up. Think I will after I finish this blog. I can usually read a few chapters at a time. I just bought a book about chronic pain that a blog reader recommended. I want to finish 1984 so I could start it. I don’t know if I will get back into Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. It is a weird book. I found out that his genre is fantasy fiction. Never even knew it had a name. I follow him on twitter. He is a good guy. I want to be a quarter of the writer he is, but with dealing with chronic pain, writing has been so hard. Some days I don’t want to write this blog but I force myself to. If I get at least 300 words written, I call it a success. Some days I can write a longer blog but I try to write at least 500 words a day. I don’t know why I have that goal in mind and it would kill me to accomplish it but some days my concentration just isn’t there. Maybe if my pain is better controlled and I can sit at Starbucks for a few hours, I can get some writing done. The POS will be good to take with me and I don’t have to have it connected to the internet. I will turn off the wifi so I am not distracted. My phone will be the other obstacle but one thing at a time. Going to Starbucks on days I don’t have appts will be huge. I don’t have any appointments this week other than with my therapist tomorrow. I do want to make the morning glory muffins again. Those were yummy. So balancing my time this week will be huge. I have the time to read. Just hope I can do it.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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