Saturday Blog 19 May 2018
I had another rough night. Pain started sometime after 2100 and kept me up most of the night. Around 300, I was getting hungry so I ordered some McDonald’s. I tried their bacon McDouble and wasn’t crazy about it. Next time I will just stick with cheeseburger. It took me about an hour later to get to sleep.
I emailed my psych telling her I was lowering the dose of sertraline as it was again causing me to become nauseous. Past few nights about 5 hours after taking my meds, I would get really nauseous. I just took 50 mg tonight. If I am still nauseous tonight, I will lower it again tomorrow. I was hoping to go to the post office today but when I woke up around 10, I wasn’t in the mood to go out. I had to use the bathroom and brush my teeth so went downstairs. My nephew was there. My mother had the “brilliant” idea of me going to the grocery store I don’t like to get some things. I told her flat out no because walking around the store would cause me a flare later on. She said all I had to do was hold on to the carriage. She doesn’t fucking get it, at all. I told her no and walked away. I then texted my sister that I was done with her. She called me and told her what happened. She was supportive of what I was saying but wanted me to be a little more understanding. Whatever.
I wanted some coffee an hour later. I made it iced as I really like it better than hot. I went back to my room, hoping to read. I only had a few sips when exhaustion overcame me and I went back to sleep for a few hours. My mother called me to find out what I wanted for dinner but I didn’t answer the phone. She made asparagus and eggs. My sisters came up. My youngest sister wanted to see the movie Book Club but couldn’t get tickets for tonight. I think we will be going Tuesday. That should be fun. I can’t remember the last time I went to the movie theater.
Pain had woken me up though I didn’t want to move to take more pain meds. I am so tired of taking pills around the clock. Last night, I was taking my regular meds every 6 hours like I normally do and then taking my breakthrough meds about three hours later. I was having so many different kind of pain all over the side of my foot and ankle. It was kind of cold in my room and I didn’t take note of the barometric pressure. It’s raining today and temps are going to drop tonight. I hope they don’t reach freezing. I had to shut my window after I had dinner. It was freezing in my room. I also had to put on a long sleeved shirt. I think we are just going to have winter and then summer, no spring or autumn.
My laptop needs to restart because of some driver update. I hope I don’t flare again tonight. I canceled therapy for Monday as I don’t know how I am going to be. I really don’t want to see him anymore anyway. I am just not feeling like he is helping me but I am too lazy to put in the effort of finding another therapist. Maybe lazy isn’t the word. I am just tired of rejection.