Category: college football

College Football Week 1 and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, college football, depression, mood disorders

College Football week 1 and other things

My Buckeyes did not disappoint! They are currently leading 70-10 and the game isn’t over yet! My only regret is that the game was not on a station that I could watch. *sad face*. The Nebraska game isn’t on until 8. Final score was 77-10. It’s the highest scoring home opener game in the team’s history. Go Bucks!!

I woke up with a headache and did not want to get out of bed. Then my crazy cousin kept calling me around noon so I got up. I was hungry so I had some pop tarts and made coffee. For some reason, it didn’t come out right. I drank half of it then made a bologna sandwich. I really wanted a steak and cheese but I am kind of running low on cash. My friend south of Boston invited me to go out to see her son perform and to have some donation thing for his school. So I need some money for that. I am trying my best to be budget wise this month.

A fellow blogger friend posted a blog about the importance of treating chronic pain. I couldn’t agree more with the article but unfortunately, addicts are making it wicked hard for those with chronic pain to be treated and we are left with “pain won’t kill you”. In my case, it most certainly will. There will be more suicides if pain is not treated, I can guarantee that. If you think the suicide rate is high now, just take away pain meds for us folks with chronic pain and see how high the numbers will be.

The other day when I picked up my prescription for the trilafon, I happened to notice the price without insurance. It was around $75 for 60 pills. I find this amazing because when I didn’t have insurance, the most I paid was around maybe $15, and this is generic. Big Pharma is really screwing the companies.

I have been really lazy today. I wanted to change my sheets, or at least attempt it. But things are still on my bed and I am sneezing my head off. My mother has most of the windows open in the house because she is washing the curtains. I am dying with the pollen. I am still in a rotten mood from the events of this week. But it’s September and my mood naturally drops every year at this time. It’s the close of baseball season and I always get into a depression. I also wanted to shower but I don’t think that will be happening. Foot is still hurting. I woke up in pain and my day just sucked from that point on.

I was thinking about what to write for my book but I still haven’t written anything. I might have to sit at Starbucks next week and write something. I can’t seem to have the concentration when I am at home.

sleep deprived

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, college football, depression, mental disorders, mood disorders

Sleep deprived

I didn’t get to sleep till 0600 this morning. I was babysitting last night and my sister came home after midnight. I was wound up so decided to read some Harry Potter. Big mistake. Next thing I knew it was 0300 and I caught my second wind. After I fell asleep, I only slept about two hours. I took some meds and tried to go back to sleep. Now I am cold and feeling lousy.

I watched half the football game today. Pats won 30-23. I wasn’t worried, even though the first half was a friggen nail biter.

While I was up, I wrote an email to my pdoc telling her how depressed I am. I just can’t seem to get on top of this depression year after year, month after month, day after day. I just don’t know what my life is worth living for. My therapist is no help in that department. All she keeps saying is that I “matter”. Matter to whom? It’s so frustrating. I got into an argument with the voices last night. Must have been around 0400 or so. They wanted me to take some Ativan but I had already taken some. I didn’t take all my meds last night, just the “important” ones, like my hormone pill. I feel really drained. And I know it’s because of the sleep deprivation. I don’t even know what day it is, though I think it’s Sunday, still. It’s just been a long ass day. I hope I sleep tonight because I have an appointment tomorrow that I have to keep. I also need to get my haircut at some point, either tomorrow or this week. If I wake up early enough, I can call Dell and have them figure out what payment is needed to fix my laptop. I am going to back up everything the day before I send it out. Everything else is backup, like my pics and stuff. Only thing that will need backing up is my word doc files.

I have been listening to “Just over” since I downloaded Luke Bryan’s Kill the Lights CD. It’s just an awesome beat and it keeps running through my head. Last night, I didn’t want to play my playlist because I feared music would “excite” me further while I was trying to sleep so I just kept playing this song on YouTube. That way when the music stopped, I could hopefully go to sleep. It didn’t work that way as I had to play it several times and each time it got me thinking about my therapist and how I think it really is over between us. I also wrote my therapist a letter some time during the night. I really wanted to write another blog but my babysitting duties interfered with that. I was kind of worried about my sister as she texted me around 10 and didn’t come home till after midnight. She said she was on her way home. She didn’t say she stopped to get food. That kind of annoyed me.

I had my phone set to “do not disturb” before I went to sleep at 6. I love this feature. You can have calls go through only if they are “favorites” or choose not to. I chose not to because I knew my mother would be calling while I slept and I was right. There were two missed calls when I got up after resting from the football game. Also, while babysitting, I watched, in entirety, the OSU game. Complete blowout. They kicked Rutgers ass and by the 3rd quarter, the Rutgers fans had left. It was awesome! OSU won 49-7. Rutgers finally scored the last two minutes in the 4th quarter. It was the only chance they had to avoid a shut out.

I think tomorrow is going to be a donut day. If I can get to a Dunkin, I will get my jelly donut I have been craving for the last few weeks. There is a Dunks down the street from me but it’s past my walking distance and they closed the one in the Square because the building was unstable. In another Square they opened up a donut shop that I think is vegan. I have had vegan donuts and before and they are pretty awesome. I’ll just have to finagle how to get my donuts.

random 498

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, college football, depression

Got about two hours before the Pats game starts. Figure I would do some writing.

Back is better but the same as I can’t really stand too long and I can’t sit too long either. This sucks. I really was hoping that being back on my pain meds whenever I needed it would settle it down but it hasn’t. I tried to do some PT exercises today and they went well. I didn’t do the pelvic tilt exercise because I still am sore and just trying to move my pelvis hurts.

I found out today that one of the head coaches for Nebraska was fired today. I find it sad because he had been with Nebraska for so long (7yrs). But the team has been sucking, losing a lot of games this year. I haven’t really been following them because the games are not near me or on my network. I just get updates from the CFB app and Twitter. But it hasn’t been good updates. They might be winning in the first half then lose in the second. Very rarely have they held onto a lead. I don’t know what the w/l games are but it doesn’t look like they will be heading to a bowl this year. They have not announced the replacement. It seems sucky to do with just a few games left of the season. But what do I know. It happens in baseball all the time, firing the manager near the end of the season so why not football.

It’s warm out today as the snow has melted but it’s cold in my room. I am debating putting on a long sleeved T shirt. But I am braving the cold as all I need to do is go under the covers as I am in bed. I am always in my bed when typing my blog or on my laptop. It is my “office”. Only thing I can’t seem to do is write something meaningful and insightful. And that frustrates me. I don’t know why that is. I haven’t had coffee today. I thought about getting a cup but then I realized there is no more cream. OI, the nuances of getting a cup of coffee at home! Tomorrow if I am feeling better I will go to the store and get some cream. I would have gone today but I didn’t want to tweak my back again like I did yesterday. I got to stop sneezing or I am never going to get better! Even with an antihistamine, I have been sneezing. It isn’t doing my back any favors!

I really want a rice dish for dinner tonight but there is no rice in the house. Figures. I would make it but I suck at making it. I either overcook it, under cook it, or burn it. I like the 90 sec rice from Uncle Bens. You can’t screw that up!

With my back acting up, I am surprised I am not having more PTSD symptoms. I think because the pain is localized in my lower back and not shooting down my legs, I think that is one reason. Either that or I am trying hard not to let it get to me. I am getting worried though as this has been a week and it doesn’t seem like it is getting better. But then, I haven’t hurt my back in so long that maybe this is going to stick around a little while because I am “babying” it. I am trying to do more stuff but it hurts if I stand too long. Even the few minutes it takes to cook an egg, hurts my back. I also am not as depressed as I was before I hurt my back so that is good. I just hope that this mood change stays the way it is and I don’t crash.