Tag: OSU

College Football Week 1 and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, college football, depression, mood disorders

College Football week 1 and other things

My Buckeyes did not disappoint! They are currently leading 70-10 and the game isn’t over yet! My only regret is that the game was not on a station that I could watch. *sad face*. The Nebraska game isn’t on until 8. Final score was 77-10. It’s the highest scoring home opener game in the team’s history. Go Bucks!!

I woke up with a headache and did not want to get out of bed. Then my crazy cousin kept calling me around noon so I got up. I was hungry so I had some pop tarts and made coffee. For some reason, it didn’t come out right. I drank half of it then made a bologna sandwich. I really wanted a steak and cheese but I am kind of running low on cash. My friend south of Boston invited me to go out to see her son perform and to have some donation thing for his school. So I need some money for that. I am trying my best to be budget wise this month.

A fellow blogger friend posted a blog about the importance of treating chronic pain. I couldn’t agree more with the article but unfortunately, addicts are making it wicked hard for those with chronic pain to be treated and we are left with “pain won’t kill you”. In my case, it most certainly will. There will be more suicides if pain is not treated, I can guarantee that. If you think the suicide rate is high now, just take away pain meds for us folks with chronic pain and see how high the numbers will be.

The other day when I picked up my prescription for the trilafon, I happened to notice the price without insurance. It was around $75 for 60 pills. I find this amazing because when I didn’t have insurance, the most I paid was around maybe $15, and this is generic. Big Pharma is really screwing the companies.

I have been really lazy today. I wanted to change my sheets, or at least attempt it. But things are still on my bed and I am sneezing my head off. My mother has most of the windows open in the house because she is washing the curtains. I am dying with the pollen. I am still in a rotten mood from the events of this week. But it’s September and my mood naturally drops every year at this time. It’s the close of baseball season and I always get into a depression. I also wanted to shower but I don’t think that will be happening. Foot is still hurting. I woke up in pain and my day just sucked from that point on.

I was thinking about what to write for my book but I still haven’t written anything. I might have to sit at Starbucks next week and write something. I can’t seem to have the concentration when I am at home.

A Hopeless Friday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A Hopeless Friday

I woke up late this morning and was hung over. The Benadryl always makes me hung over. I needed coffee badly so I had just enough time to get dressed and catch the bus to the Square. I had to go to the bank anyways to deposit a check so it worked out. I wanted a burrito again, so I went to Chipotle and had one. It was really messy, more messy than last night’s. They didn’t wrap it right so it basically fell apart. I had maybe ¾ of it and then I couldn’t finish it. I was full. After I ate, I went to the bank and then Starbucks to write a little bit. I made the perfect soy latte. It was really yummy.

About 45 minutes into being there, my ankle started hurting really bad. I had to wait fifteen minutes or so for the next bus so I continued to write as best I could but I was distracted. I guess all the walking and standing I did yesterday is catching up with me today. It immediately soured my mood and I felt hopeless, like the wind had been taken out of my sails. I hate being in chronic pain all the time.

I came home and my room was stuffy so I put the AC on, even though it’s barely above 70 degrees today. I really want to take my pain meds and nap, which I might do. I just feel so damn sad. My eyes are puffy from all the crying I have been doing the past few days. And I have dark circles under my eyes so it looks like I have been beaten up. They also are wicked dry but I am too damn lazy to put in the eye drops to make them feel better. I hate using eye drops.

I might write a little later to get my book going again. I really would love to write at least 850 words about the past struggles with my mental illness. In the book, I have been talking about the “pink rectangular pill”. I am no longer taking that because it became useless, which is why I am on trilafon. My psychiatrist finally called in the right order so I can freely take 2 a day without having to ration my pills, least for the next 30 days or so. I am happy because it gives me peace of mind and the trilafon really works for me. I haven’t been as psychotic lately and my paranoia has been way down. I see my psych next week. I was thinking about calling her today but I won’t. I might shoot her an email, just giving her an update on things.

I tried to nap but never slept. My mother called and I got angry. Dinner was ready. I really wanted to make just a bologna sandwich, which I might have later tonight. I ate what she made, which was chicken stir fry. It was okay. I took some pain meds because my ankle is really screaming at me now. I was being patient in thinking the pain would just go away if I didn’t think about it. Apparently, it doesn’t work that way.

I am having musical hallucinations again. Songs are playing in my head over and over. It’s funny because when they start, my voices are quiet and when the voices are running, I don’t have these type of hallucinations. Right now my song of choice is Peter Pan. It just runs non-stop in my head.

In other news, college football starts tomorrow. I cannot wait to don on my OSU hat. Which reminds me, I MUST get a Huskers shirt. I wish my Nebraska connections were still in Nebraska but they are now in Texas. Those are the two teams I support during the season. Last year when I ordered my OSU hat, it took several weeks for it to come. They had to get the hat at another bookstore. I have a small hat size so it’s hard to fill. This year the team is all new because most of the players are now in the NFL. They are all on different teams and none on my Pats. I am hoping for a trade or something in the future. These guys are really good players. I really don’t know how I became a Buckeye fan but I am one.