Tag: writing

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 9

by Midnight Demon, posted in suicide attempt

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 9
How important you think education is.

I think education is very important. Especially as it seems no one can get a decent job without a degree or certificate in something. New fields are popping up from computers to software analysis to the medical field and the organization of medical records. As much as we rely on computers, we still need a human to input the data. With Obamacare, there is going to be a need for more doctors and nurses to take care of the American people, more pharmacy positions to help with medication. All of this requires education. I just hope that there is a way to get that education without it being so costly.

midnight demons are back

by Midnight Demon, posted in Chronic pain, depression, suicide, transgender

Midnight demons are at it again, though it isn’t necessarily midnight right now. I just feel so low all I want to do is hide from the world. I still feel sick so I have tripled my vitamin D. I just can’t help but feel like it’s my antibiotic protection at this point because I know if I go to the docs they are just going to say viral infection and can’t help me anyways. I still feel out of breath at times but that can be contributed to my weight. I can come up with any excuse.
I had a rough night sleeping. Kept on having weird dreams and such. I hate feeling so crappy. I really want to take a nap but I know that will mess up my sleep cycle more. I’m trying to make this at least a page while listening to Mary Chapin but I don’t think I can pull it out.
Ankle is hurting. I really need to clean my room but I don’t want to. I just get so overwhelmed.
After tomorrow the writing project will decrease. I am kind of happy about it. It just will be writing as usual. I still will be blogging but seeing as I have the writing challenge it will be more. I have been writing two blogs, one the challenge the other a more personal one about my struggles.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 8

by Midnight Demon, posted in writing

30 Day writing challenge Day 8
What you ate today.
I had eggs and pancakes for breakfast. Pastrami sub and fries for lunch. And chicken wings for dinner.

Ramblings 20

by Midnight Demon, posted in Chronic pain, depression, mood disorders, psychache, suicide, suicide attempt, transgender, writing

I am tired. So very tired and don’t know why. I didn’t sleep last night. I didn’t go to bed till six in the morning because my brain just would not shut off.
I kept on thinking about my TG issues. I finally came out to my group to call me Mike. I also changed my name on Facebook to call me Mike. So far everyone has been so supportive I am almost tempted to try my real family and see if I still get the support but I am very afraid to. I am so afraid of rejection that I know it will send me to a tailspin suicidal crisis. I don’t think anyone understands the pain that I am feeling. Maybe that is what is making me exhausted. I could take my meds now and fall asleep. Another day will rise and maybe this would all be a dream.
I am cold. I still have this bloody cold and cough for the past week. I hate being sick.
I also been thinking about what I wrote last night about Shneidman. Maybe he wouldn’t be rolling over in his grave because there would be less man hours going over hundreds of notes. The hard part of this study is that all of them have to be inputted by hand into computer. Now that is a lot of man hours!! But if it helps the greater good so be it.
I was talking with a fellow blogger who was suicidal and he/she wanted help yet when they got it, rejected it, saying that I didn’t know what I was talking about. I got really mad. Telling me I don’t know what depression is like is telling me I don’t know how to breathe. This dude has some serious issues. SO I walked away. Obviously he didn’t want to be helped and so be it if he wanted to kill himself there was no way I could stop him. I was trying to be there for him and he was rejecting my help so fuck him. Let him stay in his own miserable world, thinking he is the ONLY person that feels pain. I never seen such a case of stupidity but then again I am new to this blogging thing. I can’t help everyone I guess.