Off Track

Off Track

It’s only been day 4 of my diet and I am not doing well. I was craving pastrami and fries after my nap today. I gave in. I couldn’t bear to drink another shake. I should have bought different flavors rather than the same one. It’s getting old very quickly. Tomorrow I see my psych so I am not sure how the diet will go then. It’s going to be challenging because in the evening, my sisters are having a birthday party for my mother and niece and that means cake. I am a cake addict so it’s going to be difficult to resist the temptation.

Because I had to take another strong pain pill last night to get relief, I was waking up every few hours. I am exhausted today. I wanted to go to the post office to mail my books out but after I took a shower, my energy went down and I needed to nap. Then I didn’t want to do anything after the nap. I still feel like I can go to sleep.

I emailed my psych twice last night. One was to send her the blog I wrote and the second one was to basically bitch about the pain I was in. If I said more than that, I don’t remember. She didn’t respond to the email and she didn’t call me so I guess it wasn’t that dire. I gave in and texted my therapist to see if she had any times available today. I just feel like I need to talk to someone, someone that understands chronic pain that I go through. I had sent a message to my support group that I was just looking for someone to listen and not really give advice. What I got was advice. Did you take this or that? I got very annoyed. Not even my support group understands my pain syndrome.

There was a bank robbery in the town over from mine. They think the guy fled to my town. I am hearing helicopters so they must be searching for him. He escaped from prison. We are told he isn’t dangerous but you never know. People will do things in desperate situations. I hope they catch him. HOLY SHIT! They caught the guy near my street! Glad he is in custody. They caught him as he was trying to rob another bank a block from my house. Mass State Police has him now.

My migraine is back and the noise from the helicopter is not helping. I am getting agitated and more annoyed. It’s not helping my headache. And I can’t sleep. It’s probably some damn news helicopter. Assholes.

I’m in a bad mood again. I was feeling okay this morning but during the afternoon my mood went from good to bad. Pain isn’t helping. It’s just making me feel hopeless. I try not to let it get to me but every day I have the same pain or a different kind of pain and I can’t do anything about it. I have to take several meds to control it, which mess up my bowels. I haven’t gone in the last three days because I had to take my strong pain pill each day. Even going pee is trouble some because I just retain the urine. It takes a few minutes for the flow to start because of my nerve injury. It’s troubling me because I know if I bring up these side effects, I might not be prescribed the meds anymore, which would be terrible. The benefits out weigh the side effects.

I just took some ibuprofen for my damn headache. I think the helicopters are going to be in the area a while. What they can see in the air is anybody’s guess. They probably won’t have a news conference for another half hour or so. I am glad I don’t have to be near the area where the barracks are. That place must be swamped with news vehicles, making the evening commute a joke. Having your ankle and head hurt at the same time really sucks.

I have three cases of the protein drinks that I like. I have half of the ones I don’t. I usually just have one of them a day. I foolishly bought three boxes of protein bars. I like them and they come in handy when you are hungry but don’t want to make something to eat. Each box has six bars in it. Before the diet, I bought a box to try them out and kind of almost ate a bar each day so I had to buy more. They are really good. Maybe I will take some protein bars with me tomorrow to stave off hunger so I don’t cheat.

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About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Off Track

  1. Jackie says:

    It’s the worst when none of the meds can touch the pain.

any thoughts?

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