Fun but painful Saturday

Fun but painful Saturday

I didn’t have a good sleep, even though I slept late. My lower back was aching, even though I was sleeping on my side. I figure it had to be because of my sister’s bed. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do anything because I was in pain but once I started moving around, the pain eased up. I checked the bus schedule and the next bus was in like five minutes. No chance of me catching that bus. The next one was in an hour. I asked my niece if she wanted to go to the Square with me and she did.

We went to the Square and I had my coffee grounded. I also got a cup of coffee. I wasn’t happy that the bitch filled my cup not even half way for a tall in a bigger sized cup. I also bought some K-cups for tomorrow’s coffee. The place my niece wanted to go to had closed down so we went to Chipotle’s. We had burritos and it was yummy. Both of our burritos fell apart so we had to eat it with a fork. We had fun. Then we had to wait an hour for the next bus home. She played on her phone and I wished I brought my headphones with me.

We came home and I went to my room to change. I told my mother I would be ordering Chinese food but she said she was making cutlets. So I will just order tomorrow night. We had dinner and she made some concoction of vegetables that neither my niece nor I were crazy about. After dinner, I told my niece she could do downstairs while I showered. I needed a shower desperately as I had leaked on the way home and wanted a change of boxers.

I had started a blog about therapy but I lost my train of thought a few times so will go back to it at a later time. It’s still hurting talking about therapy when my therapist and I are having difficulties. I left her a voicemail message asking her to call or text me with a time to meet. I feel we need to talk about this arrangement she has put me in. My psychiatrist has even said that meeting once a month is not really therapy. I am just frustrated that this is happening because of the blogs I wrote. I won’t be sharing my blogs with her anymore, no matter how much they affect our relationship or if I wish to convey something to her. That is, if we can have therapy again on a weekly basis at least.

I just checked my pill box because things haven’t felt right the last few days. Turns out I forgot to put the trilafon in my box for the week. And the bottle is up in my room so I won’t be able to take it tonight either. I just been taking 4 mg a day. No wonder I have been so easily agitated. I had been doing really good at taking it twice a day and now this. WTF. I am such an idiot. Now I know a hospitalization is in my future. I am going to become delusional and psychotic. And when I do, I don’t think the trilafon is going to be effective. Just what I fucking need. UGH.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Fun but painful Saturday

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    aw man! I hope hospital isn’t in your future! Glad you had a good Saturday with your niece. It sounds like fun. xxx

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s