Errand Filled Friday

Errand filled Friday

I had a good sleep despite waking up in the middle of the night, again. I was able to go back to sleep, though I did ponder staying up and going to Starbucks at like 0400. They don’t open till 0530 so I would have had to wait and I didn’t feel like waiting so luckily I went back to sleep. When I did wake up around 0930, I used the bathroom and then brushed my teeth. I got ready to go out and catch the 0950 bus. I decided to have breakfast at Starbucks and write for a little bit before doing my errands.

The first place I went to was the PCP’s office to pick up my prescription. It was warm when I left the house but was getting cooler as time went on and the sun went away. While waiting for the train, I decided to start reading a CBT book on suicide attempt prevention. I plan on writing a review about it when I am finished. I should be done this weekend as it’s a short book and easy reading. The terms are a little complicated but are used consistently so it’s easy to follow along.

I got off at Central Square to check out where the therapist office was. It was a little farther from the station than I thought but definitely doable for me. There are plenty of benches along the way so if I get tired, I can rest. I just need to make sure I leave myself some time to walk to the building. It should take me about fifteen minutes or so to walk at a good pace. I was hurting by the time I made it back to the station and had to rest on the said benches. My back was hurting me from the weight of my bag for some reason. I might have to empty it out to see what is causing it to be so heavy. I have only a few things in it so I don’t know why it’s heavy or feels like it is. Some days it is and other days it’s not. I think it depends on my fatigue level.

I rested then caught the train back to my Square and went to the butcher shop to get my burgers. They were cheaper than the last time I bought them, which was good. I think I got 6 burgers for 6 bucks. They may be too big for the rolls I have. After this errand, I went and waited for the bus and read my book. I then went to Walgreens to fill my prescription. They didn’t have a long wait so I waited for them to fill it. I was getting really hungry by the time I came home. My ankle was hurting me, too. It was already fatigued by the time I reached the bus stop. If I didn’t have my AFO on, I would have been dragging my ankle and would not have gone to the butcher’s shop.

I am waiting for pain meds to kick in before I make my burger. I am really hungry but it will really hurt me to try and cook with my ankle hurting the way it is right now. I checked my email and my psychiatrist responded to my email. I had asked her if I should make a history sheet for the new therapist to get the suicidality out of the way so I don’t scare him off. She said see if I like him first. I thought that was good and replied saying so. If I don’t like him, there won’t be a point if suicide scares him or not. I’m kind of nervous that I will have to “teach” him suicidology and how I handle my suicidality in therapy. He might have a different approach, which I will be open to as long as we work together on it.

I’m feeling really fatigued from all the running around I did today. Last night I lowered the heat so my room didn’t become a sauna every single time the radiator came on. Now my room is cold but I am not turning the heat up. I will just had layers and for the first time all winter, I turned off the ceiling fan. My mother thinks I am going through the “change” because I have been so damn hot lately. No, it’s because the heat in my room is making me crazy. My room is the hottest because I keep my door closed 90% of the time. The heat was making me feel sick. I don’t tolerate it well since having my nerve injury.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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