In so much pain I can’t sleep
I had bought a compression sleeve to help my ankle pain. I made the mistake of wearing it tonight to see if it would help my Achilles and it flare it up, severely. The shorts I was wearing were bothering me so I stood up to change to my PJs. Another mistake. The pain had settled down some but now it’s flared again. UGH. Both my ankles hurt. I feel really depressed. I want to sleep but I am in too much pain despite taking meds for it. I also have songs playing in my head full blast so I took some trilafon for it. It’s so loud I can’t hear my regular voices.
I was talking with a friend tonight about various things. She lives west of me, near the New Hampshire border. I was telling her about how my mother treats me and she offered me her home. She said there is room for me there. I thought that was sweet but there would be a major problem as I am a city boy and she is out in the sticks. I would have a hard time getting around because I don’t have a car. I appreciated the offer though.
The pain in my bad foot/ankle is causing me to have PTSD symptoms because it’s all over the place and the pain is severe. It reminds me of when I was diagnosed with cauda equina syndrome and I am kind of in a panic about getting it again. I know I am not because I am not numb and I don’t have weakness. I just have pain confined to my foot and ankle. But the brain and emotions don’t always sync with one another when you have suffered a trauma.
I am so damn tired. My neck is aching because I need to lie down. But every time I lie down, my pain gets worse and so does my PTSD. I sometimes wish I could sleep sitting up but it puts such a strain on my back. I wish there was something I could take for my PTSD but the only thing I can take is Ativan and I already took 1 mg. I can’t take anymore, least not for the next six hours or so. I am also maxed out on my pain meds. I can’t take anymore for another six hours as well. I wish I never put on that stupid sleeve. I can deal with one ankle hurting but both drives me berserk!
I emailed my PCP’s office to see if he could move up the specialist appointment. I don’t know if he will be able to do anything about it but I figure it’s worth a shot. I talked with my psych today and she is going to try and find me another doctor that specializes in CRPS that I can see faster than the other doctor. I don’t know if it will happen or not. But she doesn’t let me down. I just have to wait. I just know I can’t go on with this pain anymore. I have taken Neurontin and other pain meds to quiet it down and still I am in pain. I makes it less so I can sleep and function throughout the day but it doesn’t make it so I have zero pain, ever. I don’t think there is going to be much that the specialist is going to suggest. I have been on other drugs but Neurontin has been my main stay. It helps me more than any other drug in its class. The only thing I don’t like about it is that it makes me gain weight. I have to really try and control the food cravings to keep my weight where it is but it is so damn hard when you are hungry all the time.
I don’t know if I am going to be able to sleep tonight. My pain seems to be fluctuating between tolerable and intolerable with the slightest movement. I can’t decide which foot hurts more, my left or my right. This is just awful. I’ve never had BOTH feet hurt me at the same time in such severity. I am waiting for the meds to kick in so I can sleep. I can take another strong pain pill in about a half hour. Hopefully that will settle down one of my feet. I don’t know what else to do. Time is going by and it’s getting later and later yet I am not sleeping because I am in such pain and my PTSD symptoms are keeping me up, too.
I’m going to try and sleep. If not, I will write another blog until I pass out.