a day of traveling for nothing

A day of traveling for nothing

I got a few hours sleep. Pain kept me up most of the night. There was nothing I could do about it. The more I stressed about not waking up around 7, the worst my sleep got. I couldn’t settle down. I had my mother wake me around 7 but I didn’t want to budge so slept till my alarm went off. I had wanted to make breakfast and coffee but I only made coffee. Around 8, I left the house.

The green line that I had to take was having track diversions so I had to take a bus to get to where I was going. I thought if I took another bus, I would miss it but that didn’t turn out to be the case. It took me around 2 hours to get to my neurologist’s office. It was very humid and hot. I hated it. I mostly slept on the bus and trains. My pain was bad so when I got to the office, I took some pain meds.

My neurologist is never on time. I must have met with her for at least twenty minutes. Even though she said that I had complex regional pain syndrome, she kept on calling it small nerve fiber neuropathy. I was so tired I didn’t get mad until I left the office. She had no new hope for me. I told her to send her notes in triplicate to my PCP so he would stop sending me to new docs. She said I was a trooper and something else. Then she gave me an appt in a year’s time. Appointment was over with. I was stunned. I was too disgusted to think. I had spent two hours to see this doc only for her to basically tell me nothing and see you in a year. She didn’t even exam my injured foot because it was in the AFO. Asshole. I don’t think I will go back to seeing her. But the thing is, my PCP’s office is reluctant to prescribe Neurontin so I need to see her so I can get that script. Fucking ridiculous. I am so fed up. I swear if the new neuro treats me this way as well, I am going to go nuts.

I walked back to the station and waited for the shuttle bus to bring me to the trains. By that point, my foot was berserk. I was in more pain than ever. I thought about going to Starbucks for something to eat but knew I couldn’t walk there. I just waited for the bus home when I got to the Square, 2 hours later.

I had something to eat when I came home. My foot pain was killing me. I just want to eat and then take a nap. I also took more pain meds. I put my phone on do not disturb and slept. I am glad I did because I had two phone calls that I missed. I would have been pissed if they woke me up. Now I just took my night meds and something to move my bowels. I haven’t gone since last week.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to a day of traveling for nothing

  1. G. Collerone says:

    Me too. I love this drug even though it makes me fat. I’d rather be fat than have my foot on fire. Guess the less of 2 evils

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    that’s so frustrating. I am so sorry she was so bad. all that way for nothing? i’d be nutty too. I really feel for you. your really getting a run around. I hope you can keep getting the prescription for the neuronton. xxx

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