One Number Away

One number away

I just got home from therapy. As I was walking to the train station, I heard for the 3rd time today this song, One Number Away by Luke Combs. It reminds me so much of my ex-therapist. I want to text her so bad some days and then I remember she never responds to what I text her so why bother. I’m no longer her patient. It just hurts knowing that part of my life is gone and it’s just hitting me hard today.

Therapy went ok. We talked about the frustrations of my neurology appt and dealing with my mother. He was again, responsive to what I was talking to him about. He is off next week because it’s holiday. It sucks that I have therapy on Mondays because holidays usually fall on this day. Nothing I can do about it. I kind of like seeing him 3 times a month for the next few months. Less copays.

I had an okay day. I wish I remembered to bring my pain with me. I usually take a dose while I am in the waiting room so I am not hurting really bad by the time I get home. I woke up in pain but meds helped. I took a shower and made breakfast. It exhausted me and I took a nap. I had set my alarm for 1230 so I wouldn’t sleep the entire afternoon. Alarm went off but I didn’t get up. I shut it off and went back to sleep. Thank god my cousin called me around 1330 to say he had groceries for me to bring up. I got dressed quickly as I didn’t want to go back up to my room after I brought up the bags. I wanted to leave. One of the bags ripped and as I caught it, the container of blueberries my mother bought flew out and spilled all over. My mother was upset. I brought the bags upstairs and then went back down to pick up blueberries. If my mother had fucking used the re-useable bags that I bought for shopping it wouldn’t have happened, but she never thinks.

I left with just enough time to wait for the bus. I went to Starbucks. Because I had breakfast, I wasn’t hungry so just got my espresso. When I got to the store, I realized I didn’t pack my pain meds like I wanted to. I also forgot my watch so I felt naked. I hate when I don’t wear a watch when I am out. There was a guy in that I sat across using his computer. He asked me to watch it while he used the restroom. I told him sure. He came back and did a few things on the laptop. He thanked me and then he was going out the door, without his laptop! He must have realized it soon as he was half way out because he came back to put it in his bag and grab his drink too. Airhead.

I got lucky to catch the bus when I got to the Square after therapy. Sometimes I miss this bus as the time is so close and I have to wait for the next one. I am really hurting because I didn’t take my meds. I haven’t had dinner yet. I probably will have the left over Manwich to use it up. I wanted to take the zucchini bread with me but I forgot it because I was so rushed when my cousin woke me up from my nap.

I need to get my haircut sometime this week. I wanted to save $50 and put it towards my name change for my next pay period. But seeing that my groceries cost me more than expected, I don’t have cash now to get it after my last bill was paid today. I am going to go to the website later today to print out the petition request and see how much it is going to cost so I can figure out if it will be next pay period or the following. I want to get it done before my next birthday because I need to renew my license and I might as well change my name then as it will kill two birds with one stone. I don’t think it will cost extra but it might. I’ll deal with it in Dec.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to One Number Away

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    Well, I’m glad I can make you feel good at least, loll XXX

  2. G. Collerone says:

    Yes I know. You are my #1 commenter. Even I can’t keep up lol I appreciate you reading my blog when you are able. It makes me feel good. 😀

  3. manyofus1980 says:

    I am sorry you are missing your old t. I know how that can be. I know this is an old post. I keep all of them and go through them as I am able to. You know I love your blog and I always read everything lol. xxx

  4. G. Collerone says:

    so sorry to hear about the nurse not having a few minutes to talk to you. That must hurt. If you need an ear, I am here. I’ve had many hospitalizations so know what it is like. here for ya dude

  5. Astrid says:

    I am sorry you miss your old therapist. I understand about wanting them to keep in touch. Just today, I contacted the psych ward on which I’d been a long-term patient up till last May. I felt let down when the nurse said he was busy so couldn’t talk to me.

    I understand about sleeping during the day. It’s not the best for our biological rhythms but sometimes we need it.

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