in need of a nap but just woke up

In need of a nap but I just woke up

I woke up around noon time and really wanted coffee and some of my zucchini bread. I made the coffee and the new creamer that I have spoils the coffee. All you can taste is the cream. I don’t want to taste cream, I want coffee dammit. I feel bad because it’s a huge bottle and I paid like $4 for it. Now it is going to go to waste as I am not going to use it anymore. I’ll stick with the half and half.

I took my cream up to my room after I finished my zucchini bread and started reading Twitter. The feed was all about the floods in Houston and how high the water was. There have been 5 deaths. It was getting me kind of anxious so I stopped reading it. I hate reading about natural disasters and people being evacuated and displaced. The worse part is that people are abandoning their pets. These poor little creatures depend on us and their owners just leave them to fend on their own. Why bother having a pet if you aren’t going to take care of them? Makes me sick and angry.

I had some lunch as I thought I should have real food and now I want to nap. I’ve only been up for about 2 hours. My ankle is killing me. I finally gave in and took some pain meds. I was trying to see if it would go away on its own. Wrong. Silly me.

It’s cool today. I have the ceiling fan on and I need to change the speed so I don’t feel cold but I really don’t want to. I just put on a long sleeve shirt. I need to fill my med box for the week. I want to give the pain meds a chance to work before I stand for a while. I’m listening to my all male playlist. There are very little female artists out in the country scene these days. Every new group have all male artists. It’s rare to hear a female artist now a days. I miss hearing Carrie Underwood and even Miranda Lambert, even though I don’t like her personally. I won’t go into the reasons.

I told my mother I will have Sloppy Joe for supper as I need to use it up before it goes bad. I actually like it reheated better than freshly made. For some reason, it just tastes better. I need to make the Lemon sour cream cookies but I think I will make them next week so I can bring some to my psychiatrist when I see her.

I am glad I am seeing my therapist tomorrow, even if he is a dickhead. Maybe he can help me, however doubtful, to know why I feel guilty when I take my strong pain pill. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve it or maybe don’t deserve pain relief? I am in a lot of pain, still, and had to take one of the pills. I had given ample time for my regular pain meds to work but I think I waited too long. My foot is also burning so I need to take some Neurontin and it’s not even close to bed time yet. UGH. Life with Chronic Pain…

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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