Random 911 Post

Random 911 post

Remembering all those that perished this day 16 years ago and the military that died fighting over the past 16 years. Their lives were not lost in vain. Never forget that dreadful day.

I went to therapy today. I didn’t talk much as there was nothing I felt like talking about. I thought he would bring up the text I sent him about my suicidal plan but he didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t. He spent most of the time picking his nails, even during the time I was silent. Think I’m just going to refer him as Nail Picker from now on.

I forgot to put some pain meds in my pocket pill box so I went without them again. I am paying the price for it now. My ankle is really hurting. On the safe side, I am using my cane around the house. I’m supposed to start the lower dose of Invega but I will wait till tomorrow.

It’s warm today so I had the AC running when I finished my dinner. My mother made stir fry chicken. It was good. Now I’m cold so I shut it off. I had it running before going to sleep, which was not a good idea as the temp dropped below 60 degrees. I woke up around 0330 freezing my ass off. Then I woke up 3 hours later due to my med alarm going off. I really didn’t want to get up at 1 but I was low on Starbucks cash so couldn’t get something to eat there. I had just enough for my espresso, which was more important. I had a bowl of cereal. I then got dressed as the time changed for the bus.

All day Facebook and Twitter were offering remembrances of the events that occurred on this day. It was sad. And then you had a few jerks that talked about it all being a conspiracy. No asshole 2 planes went into the Twin Towers, 1 went into a cornfield in Pennsylvania and another went into the Pentagon. By terrorists!! Makes me so mad that people come up with other ideas. If this had happened during Trump’s admin, I might buy it as a whole bunch of government lies are being told daily, chiefly by him. But Bush? I don’t think so.

I listened to Pearl Jam most of the time I was out, least until my Bluetooth headset lost power as I forgot to charge it. After therapy, I just wore a wired headset. You really get used to a wireless headset and don’t realize what a pain it is to use a wired set.

I have an early morning appointment with my PCP tomorrow. I am kind of nervous about it. I need his input about my ankle giving out on me. I also want a referral to occupational health to see if they can help get me a brace of some sort around the house so I don’t have to use a cane or hang on to the walls for support. It happens randomly and I’ve noticed it happens more when my ankle is fatigued. It feels really tired and just doesn’t want to operate anymore. Then I am hit with intense pain so bad that I can’t bear weight on it. I will be very upset if he doesn’t do anything about it and tells me to wait until next month for the new neuro appt. I’ll lose it on him or on someone. If I could wear my AFO around the house, I would but my sense of sensing where my foot is is not that great and even worse when I wear the thing. I really don’t want to fall down my stairs.

I have a feeling, I am not going to get much sleep tonight because I am in a lot of pain right now. I still need to take my night meds. Standing up is going to be fun. Maybe I should take a strong pain pill now so it doesn’t get worse. But that is no guarantee it will work the way I hope it will. If there was another time available for my PCP I would have taken it because I am not a morning person. I’ll be lucky if I get at least 3 or 4 hours sleep. What really sucks is because the appt is so early, my pain is going to be low and my ankle should be functioning the way it should be. That is the frustrating part of this damn condition, CRPS, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It never acts up at doctor appts. But if I am sleep deprived, the ankle might not act the way it should. I guess if I had confidence in my doc, I wouldn’t be worried. This will only be the 4th or 5th time seeing him since we met last December. He is very cautious and likes to think on things a little too much, in my opinion. I still haven’t figured out if this is a good or bad thing. It is annoying as you are just waiting for him to come up with some kind of plan or treatment. Maybe I shouldn’t have coffee so I can be grumpy, LOL

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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