Disability Sucks

Disability sucks

I somehow slept all morning. I didn’t wake up till around 10 or so. I wasn’t hurting too bad when I went to the bathroom. I had to use my sister’s because my mother was using ours and I had to pee really bad. My back was aching because it was 52 degrees. But I knew I had to keep moving or it would just stiffen up. I decided to head to the square to get a haircut. My mother wanted me to pick up some eggs. I caught the next bus.

My regular barber wasn’t in yet so I had his associate cut my hair. He did a really good job. I love it. I then I went to Starbucks for something to eat and a mocha. I wanted a snickers latte today. I got it hot rather than iced. I took out my journal after I ate but I didn’t write. I wanted to go home so I went to the grocery store for the eggs. I also decided to get a rotisserie chicken for dinner so my mother wouldn’t have to cook. I forgot to get stuffing so stopped in Walgreens to grab some and get my prescriptions that were finally ready.

I got home and put things away. My ankle was hurting but I couldn’t take my regular pain meds as it was too early. I took a strong pain med instead. I rested before I went back to the kitchen to peel potatoes as I wanted mashed potatoes with dinner. I really like making mashed potatoes. Around 1500, I went downstairs and wasn’t in too much pain. That all changed as I went to throw something in the bag for recycle when my ankle acted up. I could no longer bear weight on my foot. Fuck. I decided to wear the boot that I had to immobilize my ankle. It took me a while to put it on as it has been a while since I last used it. I was barefoot as I was wearing slippers. It was okay at first and then the padding was irritating the top of my foot. I was able to continue cooking. I made the mashed potatoes and stuffing. My mother had come into the kitchen so I asked her if she wanted to eat now. She said okay as everything was done.

I couldn’t believe the difference in walking around in the boot! I wasn’t hurting as much. My PT emailed me back a long message. She said it was okay to wear the boot but not to bed. She didn’t want me to wear anything while I slept. That kind of stinks because when I try to sleep, I have more pain. She gave me imagery stuff to do when I am in so much pain. She said that if the pain increased or got worse to see my doc.

I really miss cooking. I want to make a marinara sauce and a cake this weekend. Maybe now with the boot, I will be able to. I want to take a shower to get the excess hair off my head. I am really tired though. I don’t know if I have enough energy for it. Maybe after I take my night meds. Taking my night meds always seems to wake me up. I just hope it doesn’t make me bloated like it did last night. I swear sometimes it like I take another meal my stomach feels so full afterwards.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Disability Sucks

  1. G. Collerone says:

    Yes, but it is not on their menu. It is 2 pumps mocha, 2 pumps caramel, and 2 pumps either hazelnut or toffee nut. You van get more pumps of the syrup but it will get really sweet. I don’t like the gingerbread latte. I’ll have the psl occasionally. I got a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie recipe I want to try. But I don’t think I will be around.

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    you were busy! are the snickers latte’s nice? I might try one in starbux the next time! pumkin spice latte’s are lovely too. they’ll be bringing out their ginger bread latte’s soon for xmas.

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