Pain too much today

Pain too much today

I woke up around 8. According to my phone (I have no idea how it knows when I sleep), I slept 9.5 hours. I went to the bathroom and then came back to my room. I was going to make cookies today. Around 0840, my mother calls me to go to her room. I do and she is kind of slurring her words, which can only mean trouble. She said she felt weak and to get her blood sugar testing supplies. I also got her some juice. Her sugar was 70, which is kind of low but not really low. She drank the juice. I think she might have been lower but her body recovered because her sheets and bed clothes were wet. She wanted me to take them off so she could wash them. I did so and brought them downstairs. I asked her if she needed any help going down and she didn’t. I went down carrying her water glass and testing supplies.

When she came down, I asked what she wanted for breakfast. She said an egg McMuffin. I made if for her and then took out my oatmeal I made. I wanted an egg McMuffin but I had the oatmeal. I might make if for dinner. Her sugar went up to over 150 after breakfast. I stayed until I knew she was okay. All the going up and down stairs killed my ankle. I rested for a bit and then checked to see if my prescription was ready for pick up. It was still listed as out of stock so I called. The tech I was friends with said the stock just came in and by the time I got there, it would be ready. Cool. Except, I really didn’t feel like going out. I waited a little bit and then got dressed. I wore some sweatpants as I didn’t feel like wearing jeans. I then went downstairs and checked on my mother. I asked her if she would be okay for like 20 minutes while I went to the pharmacy. She said she would be. I grabbed a coupon for White Castle burgers and left. It was warm so I didn’t wear a jacket. I grabbed the burgers from the freezer. They also had buffalo wings so I grabbed a box of that. I got my meds and sure enough the new med is a controlled substance because it needed my ID. I thought that was weird but whatever. By the time I came home, it was almost noon time, too late to take a dose. I put the oven on for the wings. I had bought a Coke Zero, which I thought was regular but turned out to be cherry. I like cherry coke better than Pepsi. It tasted okay.

By the time I got back to my room, my ankle had started to act up and my foot was beyond painful. I got back into my PJs as the sweatpants were too warm. I figured I would give some time for my pain to settle before making the cookies. Nope, it never settled. I then I had to go back downstairs because I had to pee. I put the cream cheese back in the fridge and covered the cinnamon sugar I made in prep for baking. I had some craving for pancakes but I didn’t want to tax my ankle more than it was already. I was still a little hungry after I ate the wings. I made the burgers instead. It was quicker and easier than pancakes. I asked what my mother was doing for dinner and she said leftovers. Guess I will be making the egg McMuffin after all. My ankle is still hurting. I am off it now as I am writing this, but CRPS doesn’t care. Pain will still happen. I took a strong pain pill as I just couldn’t stand the ankle flare anymore. According to my phone, I have already taken more than 2100 steps. I am taking it with a grain of salt as I found out that shaking the phone will add at least 30-40 steps. Going up and down stairs probably added 1000 steps I didn’t really take.

I got an email letter from my PCP. To my surprise, results from the sleep study are back. I have very mild sleep apnea, which can be treated by losing weight. It was noted in the report that I woke up a few times due to pain, which is what I have been telling him all along. He didn’t say anything about putting me on a longer acting pain med, so I sent him a message. It’s kind of late so I probably won’t get a response until tomorrow or Thursday. I know I need to lose weight but I got bigger fish to fry. I just wish the damn combo of Invega and gabapentin didn’t send my appetite through the roof. Being immobile on some days doesn’t help either as there are days I don’t leave the house, mostly due to pain.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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