pain, pain go away and bug someone else!!

Pain, pain go away and bug someone else!

This is the fourth day of dealing with horrendous foot and ankle pain. I wanted to get my haircut today, if I wasn’t in too much pain. I had a difficult time sleeping and woke up around 6 to take pain meds. I went back to sleep and woke up around noon. I felt a little better, mentally. Physically, I was still hurting. I didn’t know if I should stay home or not. I went downstairs to brush my teeth. It went okay so decided to get dressed to catch the bus.

It was cold out. I wore my Sox beanie hat. Today is the day catchers and pitchers report. Baseball spring training is starting. Next week will be their first games. I cannot wait. I have been eagerly waiting for the season to start. I love baseball so much and have missed it so much.

I got to the bus stop and there was construction going on the next block so it blocked my view of when the bus was coming. Just as the bus was coming, one of the construction vehicles moved so I could see. I had to flag down the bus as a stupid car pulled into the bus stop spot. Idiot. They aren’t supposed to park there. Never a cop around when these things happen. I got to my barber’s shop and there was no waiting. I told my barber how I wanted my hair done. It was more of a military cut. We had a good chat like we always do. His buddy is funny. He wants to grow a man bun. I just shook my head as my barber and I laughed (he proceeded to bob his head goofily as we did).

After the haircut, I went to Starbucks. My ankle kind of flared when I stood up and I was questioning it but wanted something to eat and some caffeine. It calmed down while I sat and ate. I took out my notebook and my journal. My mother wanted somethings from the freezer but I forgot if she wanted it for tonight or tomorrow so I called her. She wanted them for tomorrow and I told her I was planning on coming home late. I wanted to write my story, or at least get started on it. I was writing in my journal, minding my own business, listening to my music, when the top of my foot exploded. I got a mix of being angry and depressed. I had to close my eyes until it calmed down a little. So much for going to the grocery store to get some fish sticks as they were on sale. I had about 20 minutes to catch the bus. I packed my stuff up and carefully walked to the bus stop.

The temp dropped and the wind picked up. I was cold so put my hat on. My zipper on my boot had come undone so I stopped at the island to adjust it. I wished I had my gloves. I got to put them in my jacket. I don’t really like gloves as my hands sweat and then when you put the gloves back on they are cold, making your hands colder so I don’t usually carry them. But today it was needed. I had to wait for the bus as it was a little late. The bus driver was not paying attention to the bell for stops. It almost missed a stop for a passenger and didn’t open the back doors to let them out. This makes me mad. I didn’t do anything because what can you do? Even if you report them, there is no way they will get reprimanded for it. I just shook my head. I got off my stop and carefully got off the bus so it wouldn’t bother my ankle. I really wanted to get home but stopped at Walgreens first. I wanted to see if they had lasagna my mother wanted. It was sold out. I then checked to see if they had my wings and the price was up by 50 cents. WTF. It was on sale though so I grabbed a box. It was the price I would have paid if the price didn’t go up. Jerks. I am getting so unhappy with Walgreens lately. It’s like you are paying more for less. The box of wings only have about 6 pieces in it. No point in complaining to them as they don’t care.

I got home and was frozen. My thighs were so cold. I felt like I would not warm up. I had to take a shower to take off the hair clippings so I thought maybe that would warm me up. Nope. My foot still hurt and my ankle was starting. I took a strong pain pill as it was too early to take the other one. I ended up ordering dinner as I didn’t want to cook. Going to take my meds and maybe read some Harry Potter. I need to get some reading done. It’s already the middle of the month! I have only read one chapter. I need to be better. Maybe I should make lists of what should be done every day to help me better manage my time. I don’t know. Just a thought.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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