Worst Monday ever

I woke up an hour before my alarm went off. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I wanted to go back to bed but I knew if I did, I’d regret it. I laid down but didn’t sleep. My mother called me. She wanted me to go to the bank for her and I said to leave the stuff on the table. I wasn’t feeling too well. My foot hurt so I took some pain meds. Then I got dressed.

Went downstairs and got my mother’s bank stuff. Then I went to the bus stop. It was cold. A storm had been predicted. Just great. I got to Starbucks later than I wanted. I quickly ate my breakfast and then bought some new coffee and a French press. The one I had kept leaking coffee no matter how much pressure I put on the lid. Time for a new one.

I grabbed my things and went to the train. I put my ear buds in and wow the music was loud. I lowered the volume. Should have known it was the start of a migraine. Train came and I went into town. I got to my doc’s office with 2 mins to spare.

I was called in a few mins later. The medical assistant took my vitals. Asked about my pain and then said the doc would be in soon. I finished my espresso and threw it away. Doc came in and told him I couldn’t stand the pain anymore. He had to let the pain doc do something for my pain. I didn’t threaten suicide or anything. He read their notes but didn’t tell me what it said. Then I told him to contact my Neuro to find out what else can be done. He read his note and it said he suspected a superficial fibular nerve injury rather than crps. This was before the bone scan confirmed CRPS. My pcp said he would send him a note. Then he examined me. I told him my leg was swollen. He said it was consistent with the fibular nerve. I wanted to kick him. The poking aggravated my leg and ankle. The top of my foot was already nuts. I told him this half hurt and the other didn’t. I put my shoe back on. He wanted to do a tox screen. I forgot to ask him about CBD oil. Oh well. I left a urine sample and made an appt in a few months.

I got to the Square and just caught the bus. I went to the bank and by the time I got home, my ankle flared up. I took some pain meds and changed to my PJs. Then I made a sandwich. Came back to my room and my head exploded. I felt sick. Took my migraine meds, the zofran, and magnesium. I took the mag because the pain in my leg was causing spasms. Then my foot lit up like a Christmas tree. I was cooked. The barometric pressure was 29.95. Explains the migraine and increase in pain. I’m still trying to get it under control. I feel really sick. Sounds hurt so bad as does light. I’ll be going to bed early.

After I had some Sloppy Joes, I got the mail. The books I ordered came in. One is a medical thriller called the 4th procedure. The other book is called helping the suicidal person. If the migraine is gone tomorrow, I’ll read one.

I don’t ever remember having so much pain in my head and foot/ankle at the same time. The city has already called a snow emergency. There is no school tomorrow. I’m not going anywhere. I feel so miserable. I hope I sleep okay tonight. Sounds like my mother is done watching TV so maybe I can rest now.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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