feeling lost

Feeling lost

I didn’t write a blog yesterday because I couldn’t write. My brain was all messed up due to pain. I hate that it is interfering with my writing. My blog is my baby and I have nurtured it so much and now, I just can’t keep up with it every day. I didn’t want to write today but I am scared that if I fall into the fuck its, I might not get back into writing. I am hardly journaling anymore.

I went to therapy today and told him that I had trouble getting a cup of decent coffee. Starbucks had their racial bias training today so were closed. The first place I went to for a soy latte was horrible. I paid $8 and I swear bile tasted better than this shit. Then I went to coffee where I spent another $3 for just cream, water, and sugar. If there was coffee in there, I didn’t taste it. Then when the bus went by another coffee shop, I knew I should have went there first! I totally forgot about them. I will try them next week when I have therapy.

Session went okay. I was scattered and was talking about various things. I told him my spending is kind of getting out of control. I am making these impulsive buys, even at Walgreens. He said that I was missing something. Okay. That was the only feedback I got from him. Then it was see you next week. Oh well.

I was hurting by the time I came home. It was hot out so I was sweating. I really didn’t feel well. I wanted to shower but I wanted to rest a bit. My mother was cooking dinner so I had that and then I showered. I took a nap and felt worse afterwards. I had turned the AC on so my foot was frozen. I shut it off but kept the ceiling fan on. I hope the room doesn’t heat up.

I made an appointment with my PCP for tomorrow. I won’t be seeing him but one of his colleagues. He is never available when I need him. I got the bill for the walk in clinic and nearly croaked! It was $250! I am pretty sure they did not charge my insurance. I know the highest co-pay would be at least $50. I need to call them tomorrow before they charge my bank card. Totally ridiculous.

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