1 Aug 2018

1 Aug 2018

I thought of a neat title for yesterday’s blog, but I was so tired, I never got to write it. I wrote it while I was at Starbucks today because I messed up my appointment time with my therapist but I have been goofing off on the internet the last 2 hours so never typed up what I wrote. Basically, yesterday was a long day because my mother came home from rehab. She is in a lot of pain and recovery is slow.

Yesterday she again said that I should see an orthopedic doctor. I told her I have chronic pain and that I have been diagnosed with a pain syndrome. I tried explaining to her what I had but was falling on deaf ears. She just thought all doctors were assholes and I just haven’t found the right doctor to help me. UGH!!!!! She doesn’t get it. I tried telling her I didn’t have a broken limb, that my nerves were messed up. She didn’t want to hear it. All because I wasn’t listening to her to get, yet another, doctor’s opinion. I am so fucking frustrated.

I had a breakdown last night. I was so exhausted and wanted a cat or kitten to cuddle or pet. I didn’t have one so I just cried. And then I couldn’t stop. I cried for an hour. There has been an IG account that I have been following that has foster kittens and cats. I have fallen in love with this little kitten and I was thinking about him while I cried. I wish I could have him. But I can’t. My mother won’t allow it. And it makes me sad.

I had a different drink today at Starbucks. I had a caramel macchiato with almond milk. It was good except for the last sip. I took a long swing and it was all caramel sauce. It was so fricken sweet I almost threw it up but I was in the middle of CVS so I couldn’t spit it out. I went in there to get some candy as I was craving a snickers bar. I tried to find a “fun size” Milky Way Dark but they didn’t have it. Walgreens didn’t have it either so I sent a tweet to Milky Way. I bought the minis, which I could eat the whole bag.

I am having a lot of pain today, probably left over from yesterday. Train jerking didn’t help. OMG, I didn’t think I was going to be able to walk home after therapy. My back was just hurting so much and I didn’t have any ibuprofen. I put it in my bag soon as I got home so I didn’t forget.

Tomorrow I am going to get my haircut. I am not getting a lot off the top. I just want the sides and back brought up a little bit so I can continue shaving it. My barber is probably not going to be happy with how it looks. It is all ragged and shit. I didn’t feel like shaving it today but will tomorrow before I leave for the barbers. My cousin will be giving me a ride to the Square so I don’t have to worry about the bus.

I wanted a piece of chocolate and had a bag on my bed. I reached to get it and my ankle got angry. I am in so much pain right now. Fuck. I hate this shit. It is already swollen and shit. I might have to put on the compression sock but not sure my skin will be able to tolerate it. Sometimes I put it on and it lasts about 15-20 mins. I just took my night dose of meds so hopefully in an hour or so I will be in less pain. I took my night meds really late. I don’t know why I put it off for an hour and a half. I can fall asleep within two hours or I can be up all night now. I am an idiot.

I got to change my sheets this weekend. They are all out of place because of the stupid foam topper. I am going to use duct tape to tape it to the mattress. I hope it will hold it in place. Otherwise, I am going to get rid of it and buy a new one. I will take it off the bed and just sleep on the mattress. Maybe the springs won’t bother me so much. I should get a new mattress. I seen one on IG where it comes in a box and is a memory foam. But it is like $700. Not a bad price, but I don’t have $700. Hope the duct tape works.

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