Chess club and other stuff
Back in Feb I seen a post or an advertisement for chess club in the town next to mine, right on the town line. I have been meaning to go and when my office got emptied, I found a chess game I could donate. I made contact but it was Sunday afternoons and usually I am waking up around the time the club meets. It has been a real struggle to go but today I finally did go. I donated the chess game and played two games with an Irishman who was here looking for work. He didn’t tell me what kind of work he was looking into but it was something that he has a Master’s degree in. I lost both games, which I knew I was going to. It is extremely hard for me to win and I wasn’t feeling so great. My thinking is off because of the increase in Invega and just being sleep deprived as I woke up at 4 and didn’t go back to sleep until after 6. I slept for a couple of hours before my body said no more though my brain tried to plead for a little more sleep. It was denied so I got up and puttered around to get ready. I had 2 and a half cups of coffee. I would have had three but I just couldn’t finish it. There was an aftertaste I just couldn’t get past.
I sent the therapist a pic of the blog I wrote. I told her I was going to try and go to the chess club later so there will be pictures. I hope she is not going to feel pressured to get a chessboard so I can teach her to play. I am feeling so lousy I really don’t want to be teaching her anything right now. I am starting to get worried that I am headed for a psychotic breakdown. During the night I sent a message to my urologist about my bladder spasming while cathing. I asked to be put on a medication for spasm and she put it through. I got the message when I woke up. She also wants a urine culture. Fuck. I don’t want that. I am not going to do it. Told the therapist this as well.
I sent a message to the NP psychopharm. I told her I was at the 6 mg of Invega for now and then we can lower it after this stressful time passes. I sent a message to my psych but never got a response. I don’t think I will because I am not under her care right now so she can’t do much right now, which sucks. Told her I haven’t been eating much and that some days are just Ensure and Gatorade, if that. Honestly don’t think the new med changes are going to do anything. The Invega might make me hungry when I take it with the gabapentin but those two together are trouble when it comes to hunger. It makes you feel like you’ve never had food before. I hope that doesn’t happen but we’ll see. I also hope the increase in Invega doesn’t give me side effects. I have been feeling dizzy but I think it has been mostly from not eating. But being drowsy isn’t. I am going to take the med tomorrow mid afternoon before I leave for the wake so that it makes me tired and I can sleep when I get home and hopefully not have a hangover the next day as I got to be at the funeral home by 9 am. My foot has swelled up so the next two days are going to be killing me. Figures I would have a flare now. Trying not to get ahead of myself because that isn’t going to help the anxiety.