long day for a Friday

Long day for a Friday

I woke up with a headache around 0500. I took some Tylenol and then I stayed up. I used the bathroom and found it hard to get back to sleep afterwards. The headache continued throughout the day. I am not sure why I have it and hope it isn’t because of a leak. I am paranoid about it. I am also really tired. I didn’t do much of anything today. I didn’t shower or shave. I couldn’t really stand for too long without my back hurting me. Just brushing my teeth set off spasms.

I feel like shit right now. Ankle is killing me with the throbbing that won’t go away. In another spot on my ankle I am being stabbed. I have two different types of pain going on at the same time and I just want to fucking die. I had taken my date off the table because I wasn’t suicidal. I texted my therapist this and now I am again suicidal. I got it in my head to be dead by such and such a date. I don’t know if I will go through with it but at least I have a date. The plan is already there. I know how I will end my life and there really is no stopping me.

any thoughts?

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