Category: Bipolar Disorder

Cooler day but still in the 80s

Today was much less humid than the past few days. I had woken up early in pain but went back to sleep after I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I then woke up around 11 and got ready for the 1150 bus. I shaved my head again. I am getting better at it but the sides and back are still uneven. I had to use a new razor because my mother likes mine but doesn’t rinse it out after she uses it. Pisses me off. I just bought some new cartridges for the razor on Amazon. It was a sweet deal. I might get some more next week when I get paid as it was a good price.

I fiddled with my phone to pass time. Then I got dressed and went to the bus stop. The bus was late. I ordered my drink and a donut through the Starbucks mobile app so it would be ready when I got there. I am liking this feature. Beats standing in line and then waiting for your order. I wrote in my journal until I was a popsicle and then I left to go to my PCP’s office to pick up my prescription. Fucking asshole didn’t change the count again, so I will be back in 20 days or less.

I got to the Square and was parched so I got some water. I meant to bring a water bottle with me but forgot. I waited for the bus and then went to Walgreens. On the ride home, I called my mother to see if she needed anything. She told me to pick up some tissues as they were on sale. I dropped off the prescription and was told there was a 30 minute wait. I said I would be back. Here it is more than 30 minutes later and my script is still not ready. I am pissed.

While I was at Starbucks, I called the neuro clinic to reschedule my appt with a CRPS specialist. I got a fucking generalist. I specifically said CRPS. I have a general neuro that I have been seeing for years so I am going to ask my psych what to do. If I call again, I am going to lose my patience.

I came home and I was a sweating mess. My sister used my laptop to print something and shut off the ceiling fan. It was hot in my room as she left the door open. UGH. I quickly turned on the AC. I am feeling better now but lazy as I don’t want to go back to Walgreens. I might after dinner. Sun won’t go down until around 2030 as today is the longest day of the year. My ankle started to act up soon as I got up the stairs so I took some pain meds. I hope it settles down some. It’s much too hot to be in pain the rest of the day and night.

I am feeling really frustrated. I might email my neuro and see what she thinks about seeing another neuro for my CRPS. I honestly don’t think I am going to get any answers unless the doc specifically specializes in CRPS. I am just burnt out in hunting for doctors to get what I go through. The only one that understands is my psych. I wish all doctors had her empathy and sympathy and understanding. It would make my life so much easier. I wouldn’t have to fight so much to get the care I need.

My mother is making my favorite for dinner, pasta and sauce. I forgot to take out the ground beef so I could make my meat sauce. I guess I will wait for the weekend. I have dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am glad because waking up has been a problem for me. I tend to sleep during the morning hours, no matter what time I get to bed and also tend to wake up before 0700. Sometimes I stay up but mostly I just go back to sleep, if I am able.

Think I am going to watch a couple of STTNG episodes tonight. The ballgame was played during the day so my evening time is free. I might also read as I haven’t all week. I am slowly plowing through the books but it takes a little motivation, which I don’t always have. It’s so hard to read when you are in pain and depressed.

Random 935

I woke up before dawn in pain. I took my meds and pretty much slept all day. I didn’t wake up till around 1515. I was having a strange dream, but I don’t remember it now. I ordered a burger and onion rings for my dinner. My sister was having a party for my nephew as his birthday is next week but half the family is going to Italy starting tomorrow. I won’t see my sisters and nieces for almost two weeks. I am going to miss them.

I made a few phone calls while I was waiting for my food and the party to start. I called my PCP’s office to see if my prescription was ready to be picked up. It was so I will be going tomorrow to get it. The next was to the neurology clinic. I wanted to see the doctor’s colleague and instead I got a fricken resident who specializes in Multiple Sclerosis. That isn’t going to help me! I was so annoyed. I am going to call tomorrow and request someone else that is not a resident and who specializes in CRPS. I don’t need a regular neuro, I already have one. I need someone that knows about this pain condition so I can know if there is a better treatment out there. I don’t think there is but doesn’t hurt to see a specialist.

I emailed my psych about this and she apologized for not calling me back yesterday. She said she might call me later or tomorrow. It’s been later and I still haven’t heard from her so I guess she will call me tomorrow. I just want to talk to her about taking a lot of Neurontin lately. I know it’s not helping my weight but it is helping me sleep more soundly, better than Ativan. Once I get to sleep that is. I’m just worried that I am using too high a dose as I just play with the dosing. Sometimes I take 900 mg, other times I take 1200 mg. Sometimes it’s twice a day I will take either of these dose or higher. Then there will be days I don’t take any. It doesn’t help my physical pain, just the burning that I get. But I have gained 10 pounds while using it and I hate it.

My pain in the ass aunt came over. After the cake, she was telling me how to make money by writing about her family, like I don’t know anything about books. UGH, I had to explain to her that unless you get a good PR and publisher, you won’t make a cent. She wanted me to write it. Like fucking hell will I spend the hours with her writing this book. I can’t stand being with her for more than 5 minutes. I hate her with all my being. She tries to get on my “good” side but I see right through her. Then she was telling me the story of JK Rowling and how she is a billionaire now. I laughed and asked her do you know how many publishers rejected her work? Almost all of England. She got rejected over 20 times and she persisted. I am grateful she has and the whole Potterworld is too.

Despite sleeping all day, I still feel tired. I had a rough night of pain as I didn’t go to sleep till at least 3 only to wake up a few hours later, still in pain. Now after the party, my pain is back from sitting too long. Never fails.