Tag: Blogging

another day of recovering from surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression

Another day recovering from surgery

I wanted to go to Starbucks today but after I had my coffee and started coloring, I felt weak and tired. It is over 90 degrees so I decided to treat myself to Starbucks rather than go out to get it. Only when it was delivered I realized I forgot to order a pumpkin scone. They already have their fall items out. The scone is my favorite along with their pumpkin bread. I am hoping tomorrow is cooler so I can go out, even if it is a walk around the block. I just realized I forgot to mail my ballot so will need to go to the post office tomorrow.

I have a wedding to go to next Saturday so I booked an appointment with my barber for next Friday. Mid-morning appointments tend to go fast so I am glad I booked in advance. I ordered a new shirt, belt, and tie for the wedding. I have a pair of dress pants that I will just throw in the wash. I just don’t know what I will do about my catheters. I don’t have a small bag that is stylish enough for a wedding. I hope by next week I am back to wearing boxers and not pads. I am still having discharge but it is getting less with each passing day.

I had to look up some appointments as they are not in my calendar. I came across the notes from my surgeon for Monday. In the notes was the path report for my reproductive system. Apparently I had endometriosis. I wonder if that was why I was having cramps nearly every month since being on testosterone. I feel better that it could be that rather than my bladder. I am still having cramps and pain but it is much more mild than it was yesterday. The real pain that I have is my thigh. I don’t know why I am having so much pain there. I haven’t done anything that would cause it. I might take some gabapentin if it continues as I am sure it is nerve pain. I wish there was a stretch I could do to stretch it out some but with my lower leg being not as mobile as my right it is difficult to do it.

I see my psychiatrist next week. Feels like ages since I last saw him. I have been in contact with him with the patient message system. He has been responsive. He is a good guy. My psych thinks highly of him. She hasn’t been my psych for almost three years now but I have known her for thirty years so I still call her my psych. I don’t think that will ever change. I still keep in touch with her, more than I write to my psychiatrist. I have never met him in person because of Covid so I don’t really know what he is like. I think telehealth is something that is going to happen for some time and I don’t think is going to change in the near future.

Sox had an ugly loss last night. Pitching fell apart as usual. At this rate playoffs seem hopeless. There is a month of playing left and if the pitching doesn’t improve it doesn’t look like they will be playing in Oct.

Sunday Blog 22082021

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, CRPS, depression, FTM, mood disorders, PTSD, writing

Sunday Blog 22082021

Post op day 4 hysterectomy

I got some good sleep finally. I feel really good. I am not in as much pain as I was in yesterday. I made sure to empty my bladder throughout the night and that helped. I am cathing every four hours to make sure I am empty completely. It hurts to void so that is why I am cathing. My genital area is sore but that is to be expected and the vaginal entrance is a little swollen. I noticed some clear discharge that is not mentioned at all with the post op stuff so I hope it is nothing to be worried about. I sent my surgeon a message anyway to ask if it is a concern or not.

Only thing I am planning on doing today is reading my MLB book. I started reading it last night as I couldn’t sleep. I read for about an hour and it helped to relax. I wanted to finish the chapter but it was too long. It was covering the two decades of 1900 and 1910. A lot of interesting baseball stuff happened during those years. I am having my doubts about being able to write a book about the history of team names. There is a lot of cross over between the leagues and some cities stays and it just gets confusing because things changed year to year, season to season.

I also plan on watching DS9. I can only watch so much TV before I get bored so if I watch two episodes, I will call that a win. Because of Tropical Storm Henri, baseball has been canceled for today in the New England area. We already had a tremendous thunderstorm and heavy rain. It is supposed to continue until tomorrow. I just hope nothing floods.

I am trying to fight off a nap right now. I am so tired from just having a cup of coffee and some breakfast. I know I am tired from post op. That is a given. It just comes on so suddenly that it is overwhelming sometimes. I am not having a lot of pain today. I made sure I took my pain meds during the night as I had my med alarm set to go off. I still only slept every three hours or so because I had to empty my bladder. My bladder seems to have its own schedule. I am glad I cath. It makes me feel like a man because I am standing while peeing.

I have been in the mood to write something profound but words are escaping me. I want to write a letter to my therapist about my trauma, just talking about one aspect of it and see where it leads me. I have so much emotion pent up in me right now that I think writing about it might help. I might post it on my blog if it isn’t too graphic in detail. I think writing about my cousin’s molestations might be helpful for me. I have been having intrusive memories about it the past few days. The one thing about anesthesia that I had is it brings things to the surface that you are trying to keep undercover. But with trauma there is always something under the surface. Anything that has to do with my genitals is a trigger for my sexual abuse to be in the forefront of my mind, even if I am not conscious of it.

post op day 3 hysterectomy

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

Post op day 3 hysterectomy

I am doing better. Pain and discomfort has gone down. I really need to empty my bladder or I get severe pains in my stomach with a full bladder. I have been lazy about it because I just don’t want to get up. I have been cathing right along. I was up during the night which made me feel sluggish this morning. I haven’t had a night where I slept through or got decent sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep more than three hours straight. Napping has been difficult. My brain won’t shut off and I can’t relax.

I am going to try showering today. I might use my favorite shower gel. I just need to be careful and not get the steri-strips too wet. I never had steri-strips before so I am not sure how I am supposed to shower with them. It is really hot in the house as humidity is at like 90%. I won’t be taking a long shower.

I got into watching Star Trek: DS9 on Netflix. They have all the Star Treks TV series on there. I am so excited about this because I miss watching the shows. Star Trek was a huge part of my life when I was a teen. It provided the escape my mind needed to get away from the abuse and dysfunction of my family.

My therapist hasn’t responded to the texts I have sent her. I told her I would be in touch when I am up to seeing her. Sitting is still difficult. I couldn’t make it through the ball game last night. I still have no idea how the Sox scored their sixth run. Hurricane preparations are underway as there is heavy rain expected. I don’t think there will be a game tomorrow or Monday.

post op day 1 hysterectomy

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression, FTM

Post op day 1 hysterectomy

I am doing well. I am eating and drinking ok. My pain is manageable. I have more cramps than pain and more sore. I can sit up for a little bit before it gets too uncomfortable. I have been keeping a schedule with my meds and bladder. I seem to have to go every three hours or so until it becomes really painful. I am bleeding still so still wearing pads. I was wearing the underwear they gave me in the hospital and it didn’t hold the pad well so leaked onto my shorts. I had to change them in the middle of the night. I was up literally every three hours even without drinking a lot, just sleeping. The ibuprofen worked really good for the cramps. I got another order of it that my sister is picking up. They gave me Tylenol too but I have it so don’t need it. For some reason someone ordered citalopram so I had to call the pharmacy to cancel that order as I am not on it anymore.

I texted and emailed my friends. I also posted on social media. I was thinking of showering today but I don’t think I am up for it. I might just wash myself as I am pretty bloody and it is interfering with cathing. I don’t want a UTI. I have a little sore throat from the breathing tube they put in. Also have phlegm. It has been hard to cough it up because it hurts. I texted my therapist and said I will be in touch when I want to see her. Sitting has been a problem and then I need to lie down.

I took off the tegaderm bandages on my cuts. Taking it off hurt more than the incision. I have four incisions on my belly. They shaved me which I was not surprised. I was really hairy. I don’t feel bloated so I guess the gas has come out of me or I just am not aware of it because of the pain meds. I have been walking around the house so I think that has helped.

I need to lay down again so I will stop here but I just wanted to give a quick update on how I was doing. Thanks all for your support through this.