Tag: chronic pain

Rainy Day in Boston

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Rainy Day in Boston

I had an aggravating day and the rain didn’t make things better. I don’t know why I don’t carry my pain meds on me when I know I am going to be out of the house for more than a few hours. I was at the hospital visiting my father because the social worker was suppose to come by between 11-1130. I wanted to be there because we had some things to discuss. 1230 comes by, nothing. 1330 comes by, nothing. Another hour passes and I am pissed now. The nurse finally got a hold of her for our concerns and the paperwork we needed. The idiot gave me the stupid run around about the health care proxy. I was supposed to give it to her was my understanding but she said the social worker needed it so that was what I was waiting for. Soon after that, my sisters got my father all riled up and I took that cue to fucking leave. My foot was ready to explode in pain and I wanted to be close to home when it did.

Except when I was close to home, my sister said I needed to fill out some more paperwork and had to go back to the hospital. I was cursing. My foot was cursing. The three metatarsals that always give me grief in the rain exploded and I had to limp back to the hospital and the care unit where my father was. It was the longest walk I ever walked. Then of course, I had to walk the same way back to the train station. I am in so much pain and the rain is not helping me out one bit despite the temp being in the fifties.

When I got to the hospital, the prognosis of my father was given. He has weeks to live, maybe a month if you push it somehow. We finally have an answer. Not one we were anticipating but it’s better than not knowing and leaving uncertainty. My sisters and I are making arrangements and such. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it but I can’t. I am just so damn sad.

Before all the trips to the hospital, I went to Starbucks and got a caramel Macchiato and a breakfast sandwich. Then when I was at the hospital, I had half of my father’s turkey sandwich. I think I will finish the day with an Ensure as I am not in the mood for anything else. I thought about making a tuna sandwich but my foot will kill me if I stand on it. I took some pain meds and I am already starting to feel the effects. I don’t think going down some stairs right now will be a good idea.

tough day 2

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Tough Day

I am having a tough day where all I want to do is sleep. My ankle is killing me because we had snow this morning and it’s cold. The temps that were in the 70s a few days ago are now in the 30s. I am surprised my back isn’t acting up. I am feeling cold and hot at times. I don’t know why that is. I just want to hide under the covers.

I sent my psych an email late last night telling her I was having a hard time. I didn’t go into specifics. She emailed me back this morning asking if there was anything she could do for me. I really wanted to ask her to send hugs but I felt funny about doing so. I just asked to send good wishes and then explained that my father was in the hospital again. I don’t want to go out today, at all, so I will see him tomorrow. I also told her that I planned on taking a shower but I wouldn’t hold my breath to it. My ankle is just too sore to stand for that long. I just finished making lunch and already it’s acting up. Think today is just a pain medication and sleep day.

After I had lunch, I took my NSAID. I haven’t been taking it regularly because of my not eating. Now that I have my appetite back, I can take it without worry of it burning a hole in my stomach. I won’t be joining BPD Chat tonight because they are talking about the stigma of the diagnosis and I don’t have BPD.

Psych Appointment

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I met with my psychiatrist today. We talked about all that has been happening since I last saw her. I had a smile on my face but she wasn’t fooled by the mask. I told her I had no appetite and lost weight. She was a little concerned. She is more concerned about the episode that happened on Sunday. She wants me to call her the next time it happens. She wanted to go up on the Zoloft but I told her I didn’t. I want to see if it will work at 50 mg before I increase it. It’s only been a week and a day since the increase. Got to give it some time to work, even though I want it to work instantly. I just wish the hopelessness would abate for a little while.

I got my letter from my doc about disability. Now I just got to mail it. I will do it tomorrow. There are a few books I got to send out to a couple potential reviewers. I never thought I would be giving away my book for free but I am. Unfortunately, I still haven’t had one review back from the free give aways.

I have been in a depressed mood for most of the day. I told my psych I wanted to jump off a bridge. If the Tobin was more accessible to me, I think it might be a possibility. But I am afraid of heights so I don’t see that happening. When I told my psych about staring at a bottle of pills I am grateful she didn’t ask which one. She knows I have enough medication to kill a horse. And she knows my knowledge of medication.

I texted my therapist to see if I could see her tomorrow or at least have a check in and she is back to back. But she will try to call me. I hope there is a cancellation. I think it’s good to keep her in the loop too. My psych also said today that she appreciates the little emails I send her about how I am doing.

I haven’t had any food today. I had an Ensure and a soy latte that I didn’t even finish. I just couldn’t drink the last four ounces or so. My psych wants me to eat but it’s not so simple as that. I am getting hungry but I don’t know what to eat. It’s a toss up between a black bean burger and tuna sandwich. I am leaning toward the tuna sandwich because it’s more filling.

My ankle gave way the last block on the way home. It just didn’t want to flex as I took each step. I have it up and took a pain pill. Now I got to go down the stairs and it isn’t going to be happy. I have pretzels in my room but I don’t feel like eating them. I should have bought a protein bar when I was at Walgreens today.