The chief shortcoming of suicide is that it unnecessarily answers a remediable challenge with a permanent negative solution. In contrast, living is a long-term set of resolutions with oftentimes only fleeting results. Edwin Shneidman Suicide as Psychache
Tag: psychache
waking up with more back pain
I realized I didn’t have my quote of the day so I just posted it. I don’t know what I am going to do when I am finished with this section of the book. I have been slowly reading it to get more quotes but nothing is “popping” up at me. I might have to get another book and start from there.
My back still hurts. I woke up and found myself sleeping on it. Then I really couldn’t move. It’s a little ginger when I twist or try to stand up but it is getting better, I think. Last night, I ordered a sandwich and only had half. I think the rest of it is going to be my breakfast. It’s pretty good, turkey breast with avocados, bacon, and cheese on sourdough bread. It’s the first time ordering a sandwich from this place. I usually get their burgers, but I wasn’t in the mood for a burger. Their burgers are huge and I wasn’t that hungry. I haven’t eaten much all day. Taking pain meds and muscle relaxants most of the day kind of kills your appetite and everything else. I haven’t gone to the bathroom in two days. It’s going to suck when I go. It always hurts when I go, another reason why I want to be dead.
I still want to get my blasted donuts. I am determined to get them, even if I have to crawl. But my walking isn’t too good. Even going a short distance in my house, say from the living room to the kitchen, hurts me. I don’t know how I am going to make it down the street. I might have to take the bus. The rain has stopped so I don’t understand why I am still in pain. It should have stopped like a switch going off. I just don’t get it. And the temperature is still “high”. It’s in the seventies now. Weird weather for October.
It’s weird typing on my old laptop. The keys are a little differently spaced. But I am getting the job done. Pats won last night 36-7. I am so happy for them. They have yet come into an opponent they have competition with. It’s been fun to watch though. I didn’t see the game as I was in la-la land because of my meds. I took them early because I didn’t want to get up again to take them. I am glad that I fixed them in my pill box because otherwise, I wouldn’t have taken them all. I would just take the important ones and screw the rest.
I still need to get a haircut. If my back is doing better later today, I will try. I also will bring a copy of the NYT article with me to show it off to the barbers. I don’t know if they would be interested but I don’t mind bragging a little bit. I hardly get to brag.
I’m going to get that sandwich now and then hopefully get back to sleep.
Quote of the Day 30-Oct-2015
There is nothing intrinsically wrong (or aberrant) in thinking about suicide; it is abnormal only when on thinks that suicide is the only solution. –Edwin Shneidman, Suicide as Psychache
Back Pain Sucks when It Rains
Back Pain Sucks when it Rains
Since around 0130, my back went out on me and I haven’t been able to move around too much. I had my sister go to my father’s for his pills. There was no way I could do it as I couldn’t move. I really wanted to get donuts today but it will have to wait another day. As long as I stay still, I am not in too much pain. Laying down has its challenges. If I try to move to another position, I am hurting. It sucks. And the thing is, the rain stopped so I don’t know why I am hurting so much.
I wanted to get my hair cut today. That is also not happening. I just need to rest and move as gingerly as possible. I just made myself lunch and now need a nap. I am trying to increase my fluids, thinking that will help. I also took some naprosen to ease the inflammation. I would have taken the NSAID I normally take but I just took what was handy. I can’t stand too long. Sitting I am ok, so far. I am really tired, probably because of the meds and not sleeping too good last night. With me being cooped up, I really hope I can finish the Harry Potter book today. It is a goal that I want to accomplish. The witch that I had trouble with was taken away and shouldn’t cause anymore problems. But I know one of the characters dies in the last few chapters so I am not looking forward to it. This book is quite a bit of emotion.
Mail hasn’t come yet and I hope the battery for this laptop comes in today, but it could be tomorrow. I will be happy when I get the new battery. This one is deader than a door nail. I don’t know what I am going to do with it. I suppose I will have to go to Staples and see if they take laptop batteries to recycle them.
My ankle is acting up. Not surprised as it has to hurt whenever another body part hurts. I haven’t don’t any walking, just going up and down the stairs to go to the bathroom and make myself some lunch. I guess it didn’t like the stairs too much. Oh well. I need to keep using it or it will just atrophy away. And that would not be good. I probably am putting more weight on my ankle than I need to because I can’t walk right. I am walking hunched over at the moment. Any attempts to straighten out my spine while standing causes intense pain. My whole lumbar area is wiped out. I feel like I have an invisible band and any attempt to loosen it or get rid of it, I am in a lot of pain. The temperature has also gone up ten degrees, which isn’t helping me. Yesterday it was 47. It is now 73. OUCH. My back cannot take drastic increases or decreases in temperatures. I am still wearing just my underwear because I put away my short PJs. I am not really planning on leaving my room anyways so I can stay in my underwear. No one is going to see me. I would put the ceiling fan on but that would take effort. I just don’t have the effort right now. If it gets warmer, I will have no choice as I cannot stand the heat.
I was so looking forward to having donuts today. It’s not fair that I can’t have them. I have no idea how much it costs for a dozen. I haven’t bought a dozen donuts in so long, but my mother has been craving jelly donuts, too, so I will share with her. I wish the donut place delivered. That would be so awesome.
Last night, when I sent out my latest quote, one of the suicidologists that I follow liked the quote. Apparently, he has used the same quote in his book. I felt honored that he recognized it. Tonight will be another Shneidman quote. I have quite a few lined up. It’s funny, I was looking at the first page of the book and it listed a counselor’s name that I don’t know. He is from Alabama. The sticker is too adhered to the page so I am unable to remove it. It just makes me curious why this counselor would want to get rid of such a wonderful book. Maybe he is no longer in practice or he died or something. It has my curiosity piqued.
I have yet to receive the October edition of the journal Suicide and Life Threatening Behavior. It has a few articles that I really want. I could get it on this old laptop but I won’t be able to print it out. So I am holding back. That is why I want this new battery to come sooner rather than later.
midnightdemons7 
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