Don’t know if I should write anymore
I have been contemplating writing today. It’s been a difficult day. I again had pain and I think because I have been rationing my pain medication, I have been going through withdrawal. That hasn’t been pleasant. But there is nothing I can do about it until Friday. I feel like all I do is talk about my pain and also that it is boring you guys.
I didn’t go out today because I wanted to rest my ankle. Friday will be a long day because I have two appointments. I want to prepare myself for it as much as I can. I am not hopeful that the NP appointment will go well. If anything, I will get my usual amount of meds and hopefully a refill for the strong pain pill but nothing else will change. And I will be pissed off because I will feel unheard. If the NP gets freaked out and refuses to give me my meds because she is worried, I will end things sooner than planned.
I was talking with my therapist today about this. I told her somethings and it made her worry. She wants me to text her after the appointment with the NP to see how it goes. I told her I have no intention to do so. I feel things aren’t going to matter, which is why I didn’t want to write today. Nothing matters to me anymore. I am tired of fighting pain. I give up.
I took a shower today and made coffee. I was really tired after all the Neurontin I took last night. I plan on taking the same dose tonight. It helps me sleep some. I woke up this morning without the sock I had worn to bed. It’s hiding somewhere under the covers because it’s not on the floor. When I told my therapist this, she laughed and said I was such a guy.
I might write tomorrow, which could be my last blog. Depends on how I feel. Just feeling really down right now and not sure what to do about it.