TG issues 9

TG Issues 9

I have been meaning all week to go to the LGBTQ health center website for information about transitioning. It seems fairly straight forward, but I need a physical. So I call my PCP’s office to schedule one and they changed my existing upcoming appointment with my provider to a physical, in Oct! UGH. Four months I have to wait. I knew it would take time and maybe by then I will change my name.

Other than seeking out information, I did nothing else today. I tried to make a bacon sandwich but the bacon was just fatty with hardly any meat. I threw some of it away because I wasn’t going to eat it. I made the little pieces of meat and had it with toast. I told my mother I wanted penne pasta with gravy so I took a container out of the freezer so we can have it tonight.

While my mother was out, I shave the sides and back of my head till it was smooth as a baby’s behind. It looks kind of weird but I love it. I think the back is a little uneven but there is nothing I can do about it. I might ask my sister to straighten it out. It will grow back even though. It always does.

I was in pain and since I am low on my regular pain meds, I have been using Neurontin. I fell asleep again, hard like I did yesterday. I only woke up because my mother was calling and I had to use the bathroom. I had a shit load of messages on my phone. I have never seen the message bar all lit up before. My watch came in, which I was happy about. The rest of the messages were stupid. I read them while I was in the bathroom. My meds are ready to be picked up. I’ll go tomorrow as I am not feeling like going. Maybe I can get some dark chocolate while I am there.

A friend of mine in England wrote me a private message on FB. She wanted to know that she supports my decision for transitioning and she doesn’t care as I am an amazing person to her. It was a nice message. I haven’t responded because I am kind of overwhelmed with all that she wrote. It’s hard for me to take compliments and have them sink in. I still think I am a piece of shit so it’s really hard for me to hear that I am not and that I mean something to someone that isn’t a family member. I was glad she was so supportive. It means a lot to me because I come from such a judgmental family.

I hope my mother is cooking because I am starving. The Neurontin is making me really hungry. I have eaten more than one meal today, which is good. I am trying to pace myself but I can’t control the hunger cravings. It’s a good thing I don’t have the things I want to have because I would be eating all day. I am going to go to the Square tomorrow to buy burgers. I was going to go to a place but I figure for the price of a burger, I can get a six/seven pack and rolls.

Dinner was good. I had two bowls of pasta. I couldn’t help myself. It was so good. My ankle is hurting me. Earlier in the day as I was going up the stairs, my bad foot misjudged the step and kicked it instead of stepping on it. The bottom of my foot is still smarting and my ankle is loving it. I had to take one of my regular pain meds for it.

It’s hot today so I have had the AC running for a little while. I got cold and shut it off. Then it got hot again so it’s back on. I’ll probably keep it on during the night, unless the temp drops and it’s too cold to have it on. You never know with New England how it’s going to be in the night.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, transgender and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to TG issues 9

  1. mm172001 says:

    Good luck with everything. I’m in the process and with Kaiser everything is taking FOREVER!

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    good luck transitioning! I hope when its complete you’ll be much happier in your own skin. I imagine its so hard to live as a female when you really feel you were born a male. sending you my support as always, love to you too. xo

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