will I ever have a low pain day??

Will I ever have a low pain day??

I was texting a friend around 2200 last night and fell asleep on him. I didn’t mean it, it just happened. I woke up a couple hours later, around midnight, from a dream that I was in pain. Except it was true. I was in pain. The side of my foot was burning and then more pain happened as I sat up to take care of the burning pain. I didn’t go back to sleep again till around 5 after having a bowl of cereal. It was the last of my cereal that I had. My sister was going to get me some but I think she forgot. I slept for around 5 hours, waking up again in pain.

My brother in law was going to change my ceiling fan so I decided to shave and shower. My ankle didn’t like it one bit. I stood for too long. But I feel cleaner. My brother in law came home from his weekend trip but wasn’t feeling good. So much for him taking care of the ceiling fan. If I had the money, I would hire someone. I hate depending on him for things.

I went to my sister’s apartment for a plate of leftovers. I put it in for a little over 2 mins and it was half cold, half hot. I ate what was hot and then reheated the plate for another minute or so. My mother wanted tea so I made her and myself a cup. I also had some of my Nantucket cranberry cake. It was awful. The cranberries were terrible, though the cake part was good. I am never buying those brand again. I will only buy Ocean Spray.

Pain is leveling off but my ankle bone pain refuses to yield. I was in BPD chat when it started acting up. That was like 2 hours ago and the pain has only gone down a little bit. Might have to take the strong pain pill. It is always hard to tell if it will get better or worse in time. I hate the unpredictability of this condition. My foot is getting cold. That isn’t a good thing. Last night I was able to avoid wearing thermal socks. I don’t think I will be able to tonight. Temps are supposed to go to the 20s after 1900 or so. I was watching the weatherman’s tweet while I was up this morning. He said the temps were going to be all over the place. And so far they have been. Since putting on a hospital blanket, I have been warmer than using the comforter. Sometimes I need both but I then I get hot and need to take the comforter off. If I had known this thin blanket was so warm, I would have put it on my bed sooner!

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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