physical therapy and other things

Physical therapy and other things

I didn’t sleep well. I kept on waking up with a crushing feeling on my foot. It was awful. I couldn’t do anything about it because I had already taken my pain meds and I didn’t want to take the strong pain meds because I had to be out and about by noon. I wasn’t in severe pain but it was just wicked uncomfortable and kept me from sleeping.

I finally woke up around 1045 or so, which left me 45 mins to get ready to catch the bus. I got up and my right leg nearly collapsed. My calf was hurting. If I didn’t have to go to the bathroom right then and there, I probably would have cancelled my PT appt. Once I started walking, my leg got better. I brushed my teeth after I used the bathroom. I didn’t brush yesterday as I just forgot to. I went back upstairs and I had to get dressed. It was cold. I then had the indecision on what to wear. I had several hoodies and sweaters. I couldn’t decide so just grabbed one. It caused an avalanche of the stuff on top. Great. I put things back and stayed for a while to make sure it wouldn’t fall again. A box I was saving fell so it went to the recycle bin as I left. I didn’t wear a baseball hat. I haven’t been wearing them lately. I guess with my hair being so short, none of them fit like they used to so will drop down and I’ve been getting annoyed having to constantly adjust it.

I went to the bus stop and waited. After fifteen minutes, my head was getting cold. I took out my knitted beanie. The bus came and there was no traffic at all. Quite unusual. I got to the PT place with 45 mins to spare. I checked my bank account and had a few dollars. I decided to get a donut as I was hungry. I should have brought the half sandwich from last night’s dinner but I wasn’t thinking. After I ate, I went to check in. My therapist came out as cheery as she is. She makes me laugh. She asked me how my pain was. God I HATE that question. How do you answer it when the “normal” pain chart doesn’t apply to you?? I just said a 7 as my foot felt like it was being crushed. She said that was lower than it was last time. (I last saw her in Oct, did she think my pain was going to stay a 9???) We talked about how things were going and she apologized to me about not letting the other PT at the brace clinic know my pronouns. She said it was a computer glitch and she corrected it as we spoke. She asked me what my sexuality was. I told her I am not sure. I love women and I am a transgender male so I am not sure what that makes me. She said once I am surgically corrected, I could be then in the male category of things. I said I understood. Unfortunately, until I do have surgery, I have to stay female in my medical records, just for my insurance to cover treatment and things. I found that out when I was researching how to change my gender on my license.

She started with some exercises as she felt it was time to move on in our therapy. Fine with me. She said that if any of them hurt, I could stop. So we went through different ones. One of them caused my upper back to cramp up so we definitely stopped that one until it settled down. She said it was because I was going it wrong or something like that. No kidding. She did say that my left quad was not having the same response as my right. I said that was most likely due to my weakness when the disc fragment was in my L3 nerve root. I told her about the cramping of my right leg calf and she gave me some exercises. I am glad she asked me how I was doing them because I was turning my right foot outward and it is supposed to be straight, with the toes facing the wall. OH, that was why I wasn’t getting a stretch. She also said that if I wasn’t getting a stretch to put a towel or something under the ball of my foot to raise the heel a little bit. Good to know. We tried different stuff to get the stretch of the various leg parts. She then wrote them down for me so I could remember how to do them. I probably will forget but she said I could email her with any questions. I really like that she is this awesome! She wanted me to see her twice a week but I got stuff planned the next few weeks so that isn’t going to work. She said as long as I was walking almost every day, that was the important thing.

I went to the pharmacy to fill my pain meds. I was dead tired and wicked hungry by the time I got home. The house was hot, which meant my mother turned up the damn heat. My aunt, cousin, and sister was over. I wanted some soup so as I brought it to the kitchen, I asked my aunt if she wanted some. Fucking lunatic then asked if I was trying to kill her. Who the fuck does that. I walked to the counter and then said if she didn’t want it, all she had to say was no, not give me an explanation or medical results of her cholesterol levels. Seriously, I don’t fucking care!! By the time I was done with my soup, my aunt and sister left. As hot as it was in the house, my foot because a brick of ice. I went up to my room to change into my PJs and threw on some thermal socks to warm up my foot. It was sweltering in my room. I turned down the heat before coming up to my room. There was no way I was going to keep it at 80.

I wanted to order some salsa with the chips I bought. When I open the app, I found that there were some changes to my cart. I checked what it was and they took off my shrimp because it was out of stock. I guess I will have to make the appetizers my friend showed me another time. The delivery will be tomorrow evening. I can’t wait to make chicken Caesar salad wraps. I also bought my cereal as I am all out. I hope the food lasts until my next pay period.

My neurologist still hasn’t responded to my email. I might call the office tomorrow and see if he is in the office this week. He might be off and that is why he hasn’t responded. I don’t know. I am hurting big time so I just took some Neurontin to try and settle the pain. I hope I am not up all night in pain. That would suck.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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