Shitty cold day but no snow yet

I slept like every hour until I had to get up to send my niece off to school, starting at 3! I was so tired. My mother called me twice and I told her I was sleeping. Then she left the stupid kettle on and the noise woke me up. She went to the bathroom after she turned it on. Pisses me off when she does this because there usually is hardly any water in it. She doesn’t fill it like I do. So I was grumpy and she got mad. I made a burrito, just one as I was hungry and wanted to go back to sleep.

While I was sleeping my phone kept going off. The LGBT doc office called to remind me of my appt. I don’t know Why they have to call when they text and email me. Might be a settings thing. Then my mother called again to say dinner was ready. I wasn’t hungry, I wanted sleep dammit.

My ankle and foot have been going back and forth all day as to who is going to hurt me more. Snow hasn’t started yet. I wish it would. Maybe I would get some pain relief. I hope I will be able to go to the pharmacy to get my meds filled. Depends on how bad the snow is and if it is walkable. Some places have already called off school.

In my painsomnia state, I post a pic of my scars on IG. I have no idea why I did it. I might delete the pic. I had started self harm 27 yrs ago this month. I started when I was 15 and stopped around the age of 24, when I met my ex therapist. I was slowly stopping it before I saw her but the urges are tough to go away. I still have them but I cope better with them. It is not frequent. I sometimes think I traded self harm for being suicidal all the time.

I bought a new book called Helping the Suicidal person. I was supposed to start it last week but never did. I’d like to review it. We’ll see.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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