just so tired of it all

Just so tired of it all

I tried to stay off my ankle most of the day but it’s next to impossible. I didn’t wear the boot while in the house. I was in pain but it wasn’t bad until I took a nap. Now it’s excruciating. I am just feeling really depressed today. I don’t want to do anything. I half want to email my psychiatrist that I am doing poorly, but what is she going to do? There is nothing she can do. I am tired of reaching out and getting no where.

I sent a message to my doc last night for clarification about my ankle bones. I still haven’t heard anything. Now I am wondering if I will. I don’t get what is the point of sending them messages if they don’t respond. Just annoys me.

I am going to try and go to the grocery store tomorrow and get the stuff I need to make the chili cornbread casserole. My barbers want me to make it again. I would have gotten the ingredients yesterday but I was hurting too much.

I’m not sure if I will hear the game tonight. Last night was explosive as they got into another fight. They haven’t announced suspensions yet but probably will later tonight. The media keeps saying the “rivalry” is back. So stupid. I don’t know if I can stay up for 3 or 4 hours. I am so tired from being in pain and just dealing with the depression. I don’t know why it is hitting me so hard this month.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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