feeling overwhelmed

Feeling overwhelmed

My mother had woken me up around 0830. I was so damn exhausted. I put the socks on her and didn’t get up till 3 pm. I hardly slept last night because I was so hyper. I wanted a cup of tea when I got up but didn’t want to chance it making me hyper again. My sister wanted me to check on her house to make sure my niece didn’t leave crumbs and stuff so I went downstairs to check and get the mail. My niece did leave a mess, which I cleaned up best I could. Then I made a cappuccino thing that my sister has. It is not really strong but has enough caffeine in it to prevent me getting a headache.

Because I woke up so late, there was no point in going in town to get my prescriptions. I was not happy. I just have enough to last me till tomorrow. I hope I sleep tonight because if I don’t, I am just going to go nuts. I had a break down earlier when I was reaching for support about what to do with my mother’s sock situation. I can’t be getting up after going to sleep between the hours of 3 and 7. I just end up sleeping all day and that means I can’t do stuff I need to do. It’s stressing me out that I have to be awake for her. I just hate that once again the responsibility of care of a parent falls to me because I don’t work. I think I am going to talk to my sister about it because I just can’t deal. It hasn’t even been a week yet and I am having such anxiety about sleeping through my mother’s phone call or her waking me up abruptly. The stress of it isn’t doing me any favors. My mother likes to be up early. I don’t. Never have. She knows this. I don’t know if she is trying to change the way I have been or what, but it isn’t going to work. I need my sleep as uninterrupted as possible.

I didn’t record the time I took my last dose of pain meds last night so I have no idea how long I went in between doses. I am not feeling sick or dizzy so that is good. I took them when I came back to my room after I had something to eat. I told my mother I just ate and she asked me why I always eat at 3. Because I am hungry?? I mean WTF. She is so unreal.

I hope I have no problems sleeping tonight. Sox game is on at fucking 2200 so really need to stay off social media so I am not up all night. A friend called a little while ago asking if I still plan on going out to dinner with him and my other friends south of Boston. I said as long as I don’t wake up in pain, I am going. Even then I might go anyways. I hate canceling last minute but sometimes I have to. I have an appt with my psychiatrist Friday morning so this is going to be fun how things play out. Seeing my psych on no sleep will be fantastic. HAHA not. She only had the morning available. I need to see her to see if she got in touch with the bozos trying to treat my pain. I have a feeling they didn’t get back to her or she would have told me. I had told her I give up so there is no point in trying to reach out to them. They are completely useless.

any thoughts?

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