3 Aug 2018

3 Aug 2018

I left my house around 920 and didn’t come home till around 1645. It was a long day. I made breakfast and packed a lunch. I didn’t finish it all so I might have it for dinner. I wore my black air cast in a white sneaker and my white AFO in my black sneaker. It was mismatched. I didn’t care. My psychiatrist commented and I said I think I am going to keep this set up. It was funny. That was the only laughter of the day.

I met with the pain doc. He was not helpful. He said I could find someone else, he didn’t care. He wasn’t changing my dose as he didn’t think it was going to do anything. I told him I was in a lot of pain and there were times I was suicidal it was so bad. He didn’t listen. The only thing I got out of him was to take my breakthrough med before appointments. Thanks. He gave me the exact same things and I left. I can’t fill them until next week because they are the same. I might be able to get my breakthrough meds on Monday because I technically got about ½ a month of meds. I am so fed up.

I met with my psychiatrist and I nearly had a breakdown. I told her it was over. She said she was here next week then gone for three weeks so she said I was “unstable” so therefore I am seeing her next week. Whatever. I don’t care.

I went back to the cast room as I wasn’t sure how to put the stupid thing on and it was bothering my Achilles. It was a different person and she said it was too small for me. Okay. So now I got an extra cast as she couldn’t re-use it. Don’t know what I am going to do with it!

I got home and was just a sweat bucket. It was so fricken humid. The little rain we had did nothing. Someone has been eating my snickers bars. I am not happy. I don’t know what happened to my regular size Milky way dark bar is. I was hurting and sweating so much I just grabbed what I could find and went upstairs to cool off. I am glad I wore my diaper as I leaked. Not a lot but it helped to absorb the sweat and stuff. I felt so much drier wearing it, even though it was annoying me by the 5th hour.

I noticed when I was finally resting in my bed, that the stupid AFO caused a sore on my leg. I might have to put some moleskin on the circle thing. I know it is because the humidity is so crazy right now. I told my sister today that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the booze cruise in a couple of weeks. There is no way I can maneuver the stairs with two braces on each ankle. I had a hard time managing last year with just the one brace. The stairs are really narrow to, it being a boat and all. I feel bad. She said she will see if her husband can go. I think I will be wearing the air cast for at least 6 weeks, maybe longer depending on how well my tendons and stuff settle down. I am still mad that I am hurting after 17 years of dealing with CES. It just never goes away and just when you think it is, it shows up again. I told my sister and she was like how can you trip over your own foot. I didn’t answer. I felt bad enough.

My legs feel like jelly right now. I just have to go to the bank tomorrow for my mother. It will be in the morning. Maybe I can get some pizza for lunch. I don’t know. But that is the only things that I plan on doing. I am not going out to the Square. I am going to try and hug my AC as much as I can. I think I am going to change my sheet Sunday. I just wrestled with the foam thing to put it on my bed so it isn’t hang off my bed and on my nightstand. It will probably last a day at most before moving again. I really hope duct tape works.

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