Been a long week
I’ve had the longest week. Since coming home from the hospital, or even while in the hospital, I was having bladder issues. The issues got worse by Tuesday as I could not urinate after 15 hours. I ended up calling the urology office because my PCP’s nurse, who is ignorant of nerve issues, said to wait 24 hours before going to ER. The uro office said without hesitation to go to ER. I thought they would straight cath me and I would be on my way. Nope, they decided to put in an indwelling catheter. I sent my uro a message while in the ER telling her I was there. The next day I get a call from her office asking to come in. I thought I would go in to get the fucking thing out but instead, we talked about self cathing and botox injections. I was devastated. I fell into a depression. Thurs I had an appointment with the therapist and psychopharm. The therapist wants me to go to a DBT group. I declined. I was sleep deprived and not feeling well. I didn’t feel up to talking about DBT (or anything else for that matter). We did discuss some suicide safety planning stuff. Tomorrow when I see her, I plan on bringing the stuff I didn’t last week. She is open to me teaching her about this stuff. I think it will be a trade off with her teaching me what she knows of DBT and me telling her what I know of safety planning.
The meeting with the psychopharm lasted no more than ten minutes. He didn’t really ask about the hospitalization. I told him I wanted off the Lamictal and wanted to add duloxetine with Zofran. He agreed. Then he told me he was going on paternity leave and won’t be back till Dec. He wanted my pcp to cover my medication needs while he was gone. I asked if he would be back and he said he would. I said ok. He said to make an appointment with my pcp to talk about this. I left and basically crashed when I got home. I spent all day Friday in bed, only getting up to empty the leg bag. I last emptied the bag around 10pm and then no urine was produced during the night. I got worried it might be blocked so early Sat morning, I went to ED. They did a full work up as I was in a lot of discomfort. Everything turned out to be normal. I still felt like shit most of the weekend. I thought it was just because I hadn’t really been eating. Today I get results from the urine culture and it is positive for staph. This is why I feel like shit. I started antibiotics so I hope I am on the mend.
I am not liking this new event I am dealing with. I am fearful I may get more infections from self cathing so I need to be careful. I am not sure if I will need a diaper on days I am out and won’t have access to a semi clean public bathroom. Just the thought of having to carry around supplies with me every where I go now is freaking me out. I know I will eventually get used to it but I much prefer to go on my own, if I am able to. There have been a few occasions where I felt the urge to go but it could just be because I have an infection.
I am supposed to see the therapist tomorrow. I really don’t want to. I am feeling hopeless again. Wed and Thurs I need to be in/around the same place as where the therapist is. So three straight days of being in the same place at different times. I am going to be exhausted come Friday. Just hope I am feeling a little better by then.