Category: depression

Good day in therapy

I had therapy this afternoon and it went well. We talked about my stressors over the weekend and the night where I was up till 0600. I told her in detail of what had kept me up and where I kind of didn’t know why I kept avoiding bed. I honestly don’t know what I was doing in the wee hours of the morning.

I told her that my application for Zipcar had to be put on hold because my laptop has priority at the moment. She seemed okay with this but really was again pushing for another therapist. She wanted to give me some names and I refused to take them. She wants me to have the best care, which she feels she is unable to do because of the phone. She said she isn’t going anywhere and she isn’t mad at me. I told her that if we continue, she needs to shut up more and let me talk. Not every problem needs fixing. I am using my old laptop to see if it can do what I want to do. My box came for my “baby” but with the battery still not charging, I want to make sure I can get by until the new batter comes in, which will be later this week.

Overall, I say it was a good session until she started bringing up her consulting group telling her this was no good and that I would be better off with someone else. I had a feeling someone else was behind the idea of seeing someone new. I am grateful her phone has been having difficulties so she hasn’t called the center number I gave her. It’s in my area, though it will take two buses to get there. I wish I could just walk down the long street but I just can’t. It’s too hilly and my ankle would not like it at all. The other people she was suggesting I see were DBT based therapists but not strictly DBT. I have no idea if they would take my insurances. The whole idea fills me with tremendous anxiety. This is why I haven’t seen my neurologist because I am not sure how much I will have to pay to see her.

We also discussed how I was doing and I told her about the email I sent to my psych. I still haven’t heard back from her, but she is away so might not have a chance. I told my therapist that I am just frustrated with the depression coming all the time and not being able to breath sometimes because it is so heavy. I also told her I told my psych that I am frustrated with the depression and that nothing can be done about it.

I have figured out a way not to get distracted on the phone with my therapist and that is by putting on the “do not disturb” function on my phone. It worked today, though I didn’t get any phone calls. Yesterday while I was on the phone with Dell, I must have had three phone calls during the hour I was on the phone. I never get phone calls, only when I use my phone. Yesterday was also the record for calls. I used my phone quite a bit. I am glad I have unlimited minutes because I am sure that I would have used more than 450 yesterday alone.

My therapist proposed having a schedule where we get caught up and then we work on something. She wants me to continue texting and blogging her with ideas that I have that could be helpful for us. I told her it would be nice if we collaborated more on stuff rather than her always talking about spoons or how stressed I am. That isn’t really helpful to me because, duh, I already know. I also told her to drop the subject of my father as my arrangement with him is not going to change. Even if I am sick, I would have to do his meds. Though if I am really sick, I don’t think exposing him to my virus will be a good idea. He is not a well man and can’t take it. But as long as I am healthy, I still plan on going over there every week, even though it’s a pain in the ass to see the ungrateful bastard.

We talked about the possibility of going to the commuter rail that does go to her town but she said she is no where close to the downtown area. I guess that is where the train will let you off. I have never travelled there so I don’t know the layout. But even if I were, it would be an all day affair and I just don’t think that is worth it for 50 minutes. So that idea is shut down. I’ll just have to figure out how to get Zipcar.