Tag: chronic physical pain

Sunday Blog 05092021

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Sunday blog 05092021

I woke up in the middle of the night. I had to pee and I was hungry. There were no delivery places with delivery people so I couldn’t order McDs on UberEats. I had a bowl of cereal instead. My mother was in the bathroom when I went to the kitchen. She said she knew I was going to come down. I usually do at 2 in the morning. I slept till my med alarm went off. I shut it and then went back to sleep to dream about writing a paper and having it perfect for the professor. In the mean time I was painting with a machine in people’s houses for $20. So fucking weird.

Everyone missed me at the wedding. I missed them too. I wish I had the confidence to cath in public but with me still having a chest and facial hair, I feel awkward using either a male or female bathroom. I just don’t feel like I fit. And I have to be in a stall so I can take my pants down to cath. It was kind of good I didn’t go because I was in a lot of pain last night. It was hard to get comfortable. I tried laying down and being on the computer but that meant I either had to type with one hand or not at all.

I had my coffee when I got up around 1. I had some mandarin oranges and the combination has upset my stomach. After I had my coffee, I took a walk to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. My mother wanted sweet n low but they no longer sell it. I bought her a case of it but it is not the packets, just a box of the sugar. I told her to get a bowl. I don’t understand why she can’t do that. It is better for the environment. I came home exhausted. I checked the score of the game and the Sox are down by 3 runs. It is a bullpen game as the starting pitcher was placed on the Covid IL list today. I am not sure if he tested positive or if he was ill. That makes nine players on the Covid IL. I am not too worried about the game as there is plenty of baseball left to play and they have comeback from behind before. Long as the bullpen doesn’t totally collapse we should be ok.

Only appointment I need to go out for this week is for dermatology. I got some moles that need looking at. I haven’t decided if I am going to go by T or not. I would have to take the shuttle to the building because it is kind of a walk from the station. In my younger days I could handle it but not these days. I just can’t walk that far anymore. Sucks.

I need to take some Miralax soon. It has been a few days since I last pooped. I hate getting backed up because it causes me to strain and it hurts right now with me recovering from surgery. I won’t be in the clear for another 4-6 weeks. It is another thing I need to keep track of. I am so tired of keeping track of my bodily functions. There is no rest from it. I get no break. And it is all because of nerve damage due to a tethered cord and compressed nerves from discs. Makes me depressed when I think about it. I will talk about it with my therapist when I see her Tues. Hard part is she doesn’t understand most of what I go through. My former therapist at least had some empathy for me for it. I don’t get validated from her like I did the other therapist on this stuff.

decisions made

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Decisions made

I have decided not to go to my cousin’s wedding tomorrow. I feel like it will just be stressful and if I am in pain then I will be a grump. I am two weeks post op from a hysterectomy. I think it is too soon to be going. I also am stressed about the whole cathing situation. I have to go every three hours or so and I would rather do it in my own bathroom rather than a public restroom. I also worry about Covid because chances are we won’t be wearing masks and there will be 20 year olds and 30 year olds at the wedding. I don’t know how many people there are but there is at least 50 people minimum.

I had a difficult night sleeping. I was up every few hours. I finally gave up around 0630. I thought I would have the kitchen to myself but my mother woke up and she made her breakfast. I just had my coffee with biscuits. I wanted to make the quiche but I didn’t feel up to it. I might have it later this morning when I have my second cup of coffee.

I am feeling really tired. I want to lie down and nap but my surgeon’s nurse is supposed to call me sometime in the morning so I need to be up. I want to ask her if any nerves were cut during surgery. That is important for me to know. And also when the stitches will fall off. I still have them and they seem stuck in place. I tried pulling them out and they wouldn’t give. I have a stitch in my belly button that is annoying because it is pointy. It like pricks my finger when I try and clean it out. I still have discharge so I won’t be changing to boxers like I hoped to do. I might wear them during the day and then change to women’s underwear for the evening so I can wear a pad. Only think is, the discharge is unpredictable so I might get the stuff on my boxers. That will suck. I am going to wait another few days before changing things up.

I bought a graduated water bottle so I would know how much I drink during the day. I still have no used it yet. I plan to wash it today and fill it with either water or Gatorade. I haven’t decided which I am going to use. I want to track how much I drink so I know when I cath if the output is the same. Right now drinking Gatorade I am just estimating how much I drink.

I have a feeling when I talk to the uro NP she is going to have me measure my urine when I go to see how much I am outputting. That isn’t going to be fun. I understand the reasoning behind it but it is just a pain in the ass. I might have to go in to get a bladder scan after I cath to see if there is anything left. It is the only way of knowing if I am truly empty. I hate my life right now as it just seems to revolve around bladder issues. It is always in the forefront of my mind.

resting today

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression

Resting today

I woke up around 330 this morning to pee and it took a while to get back to sleep. My med alarm went off and I had to pee again. I took my meds after and then went back to sleep. The surgeon’s nurse called to check in with me around noon time and I got up for coffee after we spoke. It was raining so I decided to stay in. I was going to go out to get some half and half but decided to get it delivered with some other stuff.

I just plan on resting today. I had to give myself the T shot today. My left leg was being cranky so I opted to give my right another shot. I also plan on brushing my teeth and shaving my head again. I also need to shower. It will be later this afternoon when I am up for it. I am too tired to do it right now. I just want to sleep.

Pain is a little less today. I was having some mega pain earlier but I think it was because my bladder was full and I had to have a BM. I felt better afterwards. I didn’t cath after I voided. I was going to drink coffee so I know I am going to go again soon. I will cath then. The discharge is becoming less. I probably will be back to boxers by the weekend. Saturday I have a wedding to go to. I am kind of nervous about it. I have to go in my closet and find a dress shirt. The one I ordered is too tight for my liking. I might wear short sleeves. I really want to wear my burgundy red shirt with the tie I bought and black pants.

I haven’t eaten anything today. The restaurant where I normally buy Kung Pao doesn’t sell it anymore. I ordered it from some place else and it was horrible. I will never buy food there again. Even their wontons sucked. Just for kicks I took my weight and found that it was still below 200. I guess the swelling and soreness from surgery has brought my weight back to where it should be. I was over 200 when I was at the surgeon’s office last week. I didn’t get weighed this week when I saw her because I couldn’t bear to see what it was.

Saturday Blog 28082021

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

Saturday Blog 28082021

Last night I bought some soup that was Panera and it had ginger in it. I reacted so I took some Benadryl. I was out by 8pm. I have been listening to the Sox all afternoon. Game is in the 10th inning now as they have been knotted at 2 since the second or third inning. They have had chance but no good hits until now!! JD hits a 3 run homerun 5-2 lead. OMG fucking awesome. Sox win 5-3 in the 10th. OMG the bottom of the tenth had me going…

I still have this stupid infection and I can’t help but think I have accidently infected my bladder because of the gook that is on my skin from the discharge. I am going to have start using the cleansing wipes to really clean myself before inserting the catheter. The problem is the urge to pee doesn’t always allow me time to do this so I have been voiding more, which is good I guess. I have been peeing frequently and I can’t do anything until Monday. These weekend infections so suck. I stuck taking pyridium to try and control the urges to pee. It is still painful to void as I am straining.

I didn’t do anything today. I was told to limit my activity because of the abdomen pain which I still have. If it gets worse I am to go to the ED. It has been the same for most of the day so I have just sat and listened to the game. I finished one of the antibiotics yesterday. I am still taking the gross one. I still have to take it till Thursday I think.

My brother in law’s sister passed away yesterday. It has been a rough time. I also found out a dear friend passed away yesterday as well. I am not sure when he died but news of it made me sad all day and then when I got my sister in law’s news, I was more distraught. There won’t be services for her. She will just be cremated.

It was finally cool today, windy as hell but cool. I finally turned my AC off for the first time all week. I wish the temps could stay like this. Yesterday was brutal. I got my haircut and did some shopping at the grocery store. I didn’t get anything heavy. I am still under restrictions for the next 7 weeks.