Tag: college football

A Hopeless Friday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A Hopeless Friday

I woke up late this morning and was hung over. The Benadryl always makes me hung over. I needed coffee badly so I had just enough time to get dressed and catch the bus to the Square. I had to go to the bank anyways to deposit a check so it worked out. I wanted a burrito again, so I went to Chipotle and had one. It was really messy, more messy than last night’s. They didn’t wrap it right so it basically fell apart. I had maybe ¾ of it and then I couldn’t finish it. I was full. After I ate, I went to the bank and then Starbucks to write a little bit. I made the perfect soy latte. It was really yummy.

About 45 minutes into being there, my ankle started hurting really bad. I had to wait fifteen minutes or so for the next bus so I continued to write as best I could but I was distracted. I guess all the walking and standing I did yesterday is catching up with me today. It immediately soured my mood and I felt hopeless, like the wind had been taken out of my sails. I hate being in chronic pain all the time.

I came home and my room was stuffy so I put the AC on, even though it’s barely above 70 degrees today. I really want to take my pain meds and nap, which I might do. I just feel so damn sad. My eyes are puffy from all the crying I have been doing the past few days. And I have dark circles under my eyes so it looks like I have been beaten up. They also are wicked dry but I am too damn lazy to put in the eye drops to make them feel better. I hate using eye drops.

I might write a little later to get my book going again. I really would love to write at least 850 words about the past struggles with my mental illness. In the book, I have been talking about the “pink rectangular pill”. I am no longer taking that because it became useless, which is why I am on trilafon. My psychiatrist finally called in the right order so I can freely take 2 a day without having to ration my pills, least for the next 30 days or so. I am happy because it gives me peace of mind and the trilafon really works for me. I haven’t been as psychotic lately and my paranoia has been way down. I see my psych next week. I was thinking about calling her today but I won’t. I might shoot her an email, just giving her an update on things.

I tried to nap but never slept. My mother called and I got angry. Dinner was ready. I really wanted to make just a bologna sandwich, which I might have later tonight. I ate what she made, which was chicken stir fry. It was okay. I took some pain meds because my ankle is really screaming at me now. I was being patient in thinking the pain would just go away if I didn’t think about it. Apparently, it doesn’t work that way.

I am having musical hallucinations again. Songs are playing in my head over and over. It’s funny because when they start, my voices are quiet and when the voices are running, I don’t have these type of hallucinations. Right now my song of choice is Peter Pan. It just runs non-stop in my head.

In other news, college football starts tomorrow. I cannot wait to don on my OSU hat. Which reminds me, I MUST get a Huskers shirt. I wish my Nebraska connections were still in Nebraska but they are now in Texas. Those are the two teams I support during the season. Last year when I ordered my OSU hat, it took several weeks for it to come. They had to get the hat at another bookstore. I have a small hat size so it’s hard to fill. This year the team is all new because most of the players are now in the NFL. They are all on different teams and none on my Pats. I am hoping for a trade or something in the future. These guys are really good players. I really don’t know how I became a Buckeye fan but I am one.

football and writing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Man, did I get my teams mixed up! I thought OSU were playing Illinois and Nebraska was playing, too. Turns out the right team is Nebraska. OSU is playing Indiana. Unfortunately, I can only watch one game (OSU) because Neb is on the BTN, a channel I don’t have. I am bummed. So I guess I will get updates from the game, again, via Twitter.

For the first time all week, I slept late today. I don’t know if I will make coffee as it’s almost 1500. I don’t like to drink coffee too late in the afternoon because it could keep me up. I want to go to the liquor store and get some wine. I think my mother is making pizza tonight so wine would be perfect.

Last night before bed, I started writing. I was really tired but a thought came into my head and I had to write it down. It was only a page and a half, so roughly maybe 400 words. I plan on writing more about it today. If I wasn’t so tired, I probably would have written more. But I am really excited something came to me last night and I wrote. I think it will go into my book if I can make it longer. I hand wrote it so it will be a little while before it’s in a word doc.

It’s really cold and damp today. I went to get the wine and it was pretty cold out. I had to wear my winter jacket. Now the walk and going up the stairs has made me very tired and out of breath. I don’t know why sometimes I can do this without a problem and other times, I am exhausted. My right (good) ankle is hurting me for some reason. Not really painful just sore. I hope the NSAID will take care of it. I had something to eat a little while ago so that should protect my stomach from this pill. It’s the only pill that I have to make sure I eat with or I could get stomach problems. And I don’t need that.

I keep looking at the calendar to see what day it is and I still have September up. Guess I will need to change that sometime today. I really wanted to change my sheets today but that isn’t happening. I have no energy left after going to the liquor store. I want to nap but the game is on now.

Feeling Irritable

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling irritable

Not having a good day, at all. I woke up at 0430, after falling asleep around midnight and then had a hell of a time trying to go back to sleep. I was pissed off. Then I woke up around 0830 with my ankle going berserk. I called it quits and took some pain meds that finally allowed me a few hours of sleep. When I did get up around 1130, the gas man turned off the gas so I couldn’t make anything to eat or make coffee. I am really upset that I couldn’t make coffee more than making something to eat. So now I think I will go out to Starbucks so I can have my fix, even though I really don’t want to go out. It’s really damp, windy, raw and cold out, not really good for my ankle. I just wanted a nice day at home where I make the food that I bought and drink coffee. Nope, I am denied. All because they are doing work in my area. Damn condos. I ordered a burger and now I am not so grumpy, but I still want coffee. The food that I prepared for my lunch will have to be my dinner now.

I emailed my psychiatrist late last night about my anxiety around next week, just so she knows. I started writing about what I was going through, with the memories of the phone call and then the surgeries and how I faired afterwards. Aside from getting a UTI (urinary tract infection), I did okay. Though mentally I was more scared than I was physically. It was good that the CES was caught in time and I was operated on so urgently, even though it was twice I had to be cut open. I then had CSF leaks both times so I had to lie still for 24 hours. That was not fun. And it wasn’t fun when the idiot resident came to me and told me after my second surgery that he wanted to take my urinary catheter out. I asked him how I was going to pee if I had to stay still for the next 20 hours or so? He didn’t take it out. This jerk also wanted to send me home without any PT in the hospital. I couldn’t get around on my own inpatient, how was I supposed to at home? Then the stupid stuck up nurse that I had was yelling at me, asking why I didn’t want to go home. Maybe because if I fell, there would be no one to pick me up? Maybe I had two flights of stairs at my house and I couldn’t walk up one step? My leg was still weak, I couldn’t put any weight on it and without a walker, I couldn’t stand on my own. It really pissed me off and the only doctor that was understanding was my surgeon. Then I got the UTI and the antibiotics they put me on really did a number on my bowels. If you ever want to clear your system out, go on Leviquin. All I did was shit and shit and shit. For two straight days. Then they sent me home and I was tired of fighting them anyway. So I spent another two days shitting my brains out and became weak. Guess what? I had to go back to the hospital ER for fluids. If the idiots had kept me, they could have avoided this. I still had stitches in my back, I couldn’t feel my left leg, I couldn’t walk unassisted and was sent back to the ER all because the resident wanted me to go home. No wonder I have a hard time trusting doctors. They can be really stupid sometimes.

I have to watch my niece in like an hour. I really don’t feel up to it. I just want to stay in my bed. Foot is acting up so I don’t think I will be going out. I hate this. It just started to rain so that clinches it. I am not going out. I will have to wait till the workmen finish their work so I can make a damn cup of coffee.

Sox are in Cleveland tonight. They have three games left and they are done. I am very sad at this. I knew they weren’t going to the post season, it would have been a miracle if they did, but it just didn’t work out. They lost last night and sent the fucking Skankees to the post season. Hate the Skanks. I hope they lose, and they will. I think the Jays have a chance at winning it all.

Tomorrow will be college football. I can’t wait. OSU is playing Illinois, a school that I had my eyes on for grad school. They have a beautiful campus. I visited twice when I went to Chicago. Those dreams are long gone and I will be rooting for the Buckeyes. It’s going to be a tough game because Illi is also 4-0. OSU is still undefeated from last season. They just keep on winning games. And I hope my having their hat doesn’t jinx them. I will be so sad.

Game results

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, sports

My huskers suffered a hell of a game loss. Due to a player being unsportsmanlike, it cost them the game. But they came back to tie it and go to OT. That was so awesome.

My Sox also battled back in the 9th inning to win the game. It was a nail biter  because stupid Ross gave up a 2 run blast to make it a 1 run game. Luckily he was able to secure the final out and win. It was the first time all season the Sox came back to win a game after being down in the 8th inning. In the opposite, the Jays had a record of winning games when they lead in the 8th inning. Go Sox!!

OSU game I was just catching tidbits through the CFB app and twitter. But they also came back from being down 10 nothing to win the game 20-13. I would have really loved to watch that game but it was out of network in my area. I was lucky to catch the last of the Nebraska game. I didn’t think they would come back after being down 27-3.

Overall, I am proud of my teams. Can’t wait till next Saturday!