Really annoyed

I’ve been trying to sleep the past 2 hours but every time I lie down, my ankle and/or foot acts up. So I take something and that particular pain goes away only to be replaced by another pain in a different area of my foot or ankle. It is driving me nuts. Right now I have a brace on my foot. I had some medical tape on. That helped some of the pain until I moved my foot upward. Every time I move it, I’m in excruciating pain. It makes me want to die right then and there. I pound my pillow and I moan. No one can hear me. My mother is sleeping and deaf.

I posted a pic on Instagram with the brace on. I posted suicidal. I hope the cops don’t show up at my door tomorrow. I don’t know why I did that. I’m going to take it down. I don’t want trouble. Fuck. I am pointing my ankle downwards and I’m hurting. WTF. I’ve had enough of this bullshit.

I’m canceling my PT appt for today. The weather calls for flooding rain. I don’t want to go out just to get soaked waiting for the bus. I’ll email my PT after I cancel to let her know why so she doesn’t think I’m blowing her off. If I had a car, it would be different. Traveling by public transportation sucks sometimes.

I think the Zoloft is causing me to be nauseous. I had lowered by dose last week and was doing fine until tonight. I had to take a zofran to get rid of the feeling. I really dont want to puke. I’ve been on Zoloft for a year and a half or so. I’m not surprised it is making me sick. That was why I had to come off it. Most SSRIs cause nausea with me. When I see my doc next week, I’m going to ask her to possibly switch to something else, maybe venflexitine (Effexor). It has been the only drug I haven’t been on. I might have to have a break between meds or it could cause serotonin syndrome, which is not fun.

I took neurontin tonight to help with the burning. I hate when the physical pain is gone and it is replaced by nerve pain. I was reading an article about how there are few meds that help with nerve pain. What pissed me off was that it didn’t say what meds worked. Left you feeling like what is the purpose of the damn article. Hate that.

I had to put lidocaine on my big toe because it was acting up. I don’t know why some nights the top of it really hurts like it is being torn apart.

I hate when I am so very tired yet I can’t fricken sleep because of pain. I’ve taken all that I can. Just wish it would let up a little so I could sleep. I can imagine what my sleep study is going to be like. Always takes me forever to settle down to sleep. I even took an extra Ativan and I’m still up. Pain just doesn’t care what I take. Pisses me off. Think I’m going to brush my teeth. I need to go to the bathroom anyway. Stupid bladder! Walking downstairs is going to be fun. I need an immobilizer for my ankle so it doesn’t move. Maybe that will help. I just need it at night because that is when the pain is worse.