Tag: painsomnia

Midnightdemon Blog 27 July 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Midnightdemon Blog 27 July 2017

I woke up a little after 0130 in pain. It felt like someone was grabbing my foot and trying to squeeze the crap out of it. I took some more Neurontin and my pain meds. I was able to talk with a couple members of the CRPS group on Facebook. It was nice that I was being heard and understood. I don’t know why my pain is so bad these days. It doesn’t seem to take much for it to set it off. I swear when I took off my sock on my bad foot, it set it off.

I think I finally did the ordering for my upgrade and the additional line. The customer service order department wiped out the order and the phone that I received, I have to return. Seems kind of silly that I need to return the new phone to get a new phone. But whatever. As long as I don’t have to pay for three phones a month, I will be happy. Right now, the cancellation hasn’t gone through as the woman said my bill will be $400 until my return is processed. She is sending me the return kit. Right now because I had to do two orders, my account has a negative balance from the payments. It was so tiring to be on the phone with them. I swear it was all afternoon as I was just put on hold for most of the time. I hope the issue is resolved and I’m not paying a shitload next month.

I really love the CRPS UK group on Facebook. The people there are so kind and willing to help you out in anyway they can. I give back when I can. Some of the posts I can’t respond to because they are UK related, like disability keys and other admin from NHS or the government. But I can relate to pain posts and support those people. I love that everyone tries to help and responds to the posts. I have really gotten along with the founder of the group. She is so great. We were talking and I told her about how I was going to change my name to GC eventually. She was understanding and supportive.

I know I am going to have a shitty day because I am up in the middle of the night. I am not planning on going out at all. I want to rest my foot as much as possible. Sadly, I overspent and I don’t have much money to go on the cruise. I wanted at least $80 and I think I have like half that after all my bills are paid. I can’t touch my account until Friday. I wanted to get a haircut but it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. I look like a Chia pet, my hair is just sprouting all out because it is growing like a weed. The parts that I have shaved before my admission to the hospital has grown out and is now even with the parts I didn’t shave. My hair grows so fast. I might have to withdraw from my savings if I don’t have enough cash on me.

There has been a lot of talk about transgender yesterday because the Orange Cheeto said they can no longer serve in the US military. Basically, it is because it “costs too much”. But yet they spend money on Viagra which is more expensive than the hormone therapy. I am very pissed off. I am so tired of the Cheeto not making good on his “promises” in his campaign and then has stupid rallies like he is still running for president. The guy is so deluded it’s not funny. It’s so sad that Congress is not doing anything to get rid of him. He is a lying piece of shit. I often call him a dumbfuck when I respond to his tweets. I can’t help it. He just pisses me off with his dumbass tweets.

I’m getting sleepy but I am also hungry. Think I will have a bowl of granola cereal and then try and sleep. Thing is, I really don’t want to go downstairs but I know I won’t be able to sleep unless I eat something. I wish I had something in my room. I used to have protein bars but I don’t anymore. I have to order some more.

it is after midnight

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It is after midnight

I woke up a little after midnight as my bladder needed to be emptied. My back pain has leveled off some since I put a heating pad on it. I left it on until my mother went up to bed as I didn’t want to sleep with it on. I felt like that would be too dangerous. When I woke up, I kneaded the area of pain and it hurt more but I think I got the muscle knots out. My ankle is throbbing and burning so I will take some Neurontin to try and go back to sleep.

I am shocked that I slept for only a couple of hours. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. Now I am wide awake. I hate waking up in the middle of the night. The only pain that I feel is in the “thing” aka my ankle and foot. My back pain is minimal. I am glad. It has stopped raining so that maybe why. I want to go to Starbucks today. They have a new wrap that I want to try. It’s with steak and eggs. I’ve never had it before but I heard that it is good. I need to get out of the house today anyways. I haven’t left the house since Friday. I do need to shower as the last time I did was Thursday. If I get paid today, I think I will get my haircut. I still can’t believe in a week my hair has grown out from where I shaved it. It’s about even with the parts that I didn’t shave. I also need to ask my barber when he will be going on vacation in August. I’d just like to know so I can plan accordingly.

For some reason, I am really thirsty. I keep drinking my powerade. Hope it goes away soon or I will be up all night peeing. My brother in law fixed the drain in the bathroom sink as water was slow to go down. It was clogged with hair and gook. I’m glad I didn’t see it or I would have puked.

I’m going to try and go back to sleep. If not, I will probably write another blog.

a day of sleep II

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A day of sleep

I didn’t go to sleep till around 0400. Pain had been keeping me up. It was the same deal, dealing with different types of pain severity for most of the night. I tried my best not to panic but I ended up having a pain anxiety attack anyways. Around 0330, I took an Ativan and that finally knocked me out.

I had set my alarm so I would call my PCP’s office for an appointment. Yesterday while showering, I found a lump on my side. I think it’s just fat but I want to be sure. I fell back to sleep until around 11 or so. My brother in law called and wanted me to let a service guy in to look at his fridge. I spent nearly an hour waiting for the guy to figure out what was wrong. He spent most of the time calling his office to find out what to do. Unreal. He needs to order a part and I told him to call my brother in law to set up another appt to install it.

I went to the bathroom and looked at the time. I wanted coffee but I just missed the bus. I called my PCP’s office and he didn’t have any opening till Sept. Just great. I had them pass the information to his nurse and was just about to go back to sleep when she called. I will be seeing one of his residents tomorrow afternoon. Not what I wanted but oh well. It is better than waiting until Sept.

My mother called when I again was drifting off to sleep. I told her I wasn’t going out as I didn’t go to sleep until 4. When I did finally wake up, I made a burger and had a nectarine. I was contemplating making coffee, and I did so anyway. I just won’t have the full cup as I don’t want to be up all night again. I was dreaming of coffee before I woke up. Weird, I never dreamed about it before.

One of my teeth on my left side is hurting me today. I hope there isn’t a cavity there. I don’t get my cavities filled until the 13th of July. I will have the dentist look at it, if it is still hurting by then. I hate toothaches.

As I couldn’t sleep, I did some retail therapy. I bought another charger for my phone so I can charge it when I am downstairs. I also bought a portable charger to take with me as my phone’s battery is not lasting as long anymore. I’m lucky to get 8 hours between charges. Ever since they did the system upgrade, something has been eating my battery power and their “power saving” app doesn’t allow certain apps to run, at all, like my email and Twitter. It kind of freezes the phone which sucks.

It’s really muggy today. I have the AC going to cool my room off. I made the mistake of turning it off before falling into a deep sleep and when I woke up I was sweating. My room was really stuffy. I hated it. I quickly turned it back on.

I had wanted to make a dessert today but that isn’t going to happen. I might make it on Saturday. I was watching the video for it. I think I bought too much cool whip for the dessert, but we’ll see. I know my mother won’t have it because it’s really sweet as it is made with powdered sugar. The good thing is that there is no baking in the oven, just refrigerating. I can’t wait to try it. Maybe this weekend I will thaw out the ground beef and make my dirty gravy, that is, if the weather isn’t too hot.

Up and at ’em 2

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Up and at em?

I woke up at 0145, from a sound sleep, because of pain. Now I can’t get back to sleep so I thought I would write for a bit and see if that works. I took my pain meds, both of them. I am thinking of taking an Ativan but will see if I am sleepy in an hour once the pain meds have a chance to work.

My pain has settled down some but my brain has not. I decided to charge my Bluetooth headphones because it’s been a while since they were last charged. I have to watch my niece on Tuesday so I am thinking of taking her to the museum of fine arts. It all depends of how today goes for me. I want to make bacon for breakfast. Usually, that takes a lot out of me. I took two of my “extra strong” pain pills (Dove dark chocolate). It was yummy and hit the spot.

The damn birds are chirping. I don’t fucking believe it and it’s not even daylight out!! It’s 0300! Not even close to dawn. So damn annoying!! They even chirp in the evening too, usually at dusk. If I had a bazooka, I’d shoot them. Damn birds!

I have decided I am going to come up with a list of things to work on in therapy when my therapist is back from vacation. I think it will be a good idea so that there is a plan in place. We don’t have to stick with it but it’s something to do other than me talk the whole session about my past PTSD experiences and such. I know that he is collecting information about me as he doesn’t know me and I just expect him to. I know that is kind of stupid as he is new and doesn’t know a thing about me. Just wishful thinking I guess.

Dammit! I just moved my ankle and it exploded. My ankle down to my toes are hurting really bad. Damn pain syndrome! I never know what is going to cause a flare up and now I am again thinking of ending my life. It’s such a trigger for me to be in intense pain and then thinking of wanting to end my life. It doesn’t happen all the time but it’s happening more and more because I do have a plan to end it. Might not be the best plan but I hope it will work.

I am going to tell the therapist about this because this is the second time in about a week that I have had intense suicidal thoughts when I have intense pain. Maybe he and I can work on some kind of strategy to combat the thoughts so that I don’t resort to wanting to end my life. Dealing with chronic pain is so damn difficult. I never know what brings it on and it can be the slightest movement or thing that I have done a thousand times before but it sets off pain. It’s a real stress situation because you are always wondering if this time it will set it off or not. Like putting on or taking off socks. Or getting more comfortable on my bed while lying down and boom, the movement of my leg sets off ankle pain or toe pain. It’s so frustrating. It makes you not want to do anything but these movements don’t always cause pain so you are just confused and pissed off. Not that you want to be in pain every time you put on socks or take them off, but that the possibility is there.

UGH, I am getting annoyed and it’s not helping to go back to sleep. I guess I am angry that the pain woke me up from a good dream. I don’t remember it but it was something to do with being cared for. I felt really good in the dream, like there was a relief in it.

I have been thinking of starting my diet again of drinking protein shakes for two weeks. I don’t think I will start today because I want bacon. But I think I will substitute a meal for a shake. I heard that is a good way to lose weight. I would do a cereal diet but all I have are cocoa pebble and I don’t think that will help me lose weight because of the sugar in it. If I could just lose ten pounds I would be happy. It’s so damn hard to lose yet it’s so easy to gain. I know the Neurontin doesn’t help me. I can easily gain five pounds without even changing my diet too much. I think it’s mostly water weight because soon as I stop taking it, I lose the extra weight. It is frustrating because I need this medication yet I don’t want to gain weight from it. There isn’t another medication that I can take that works as well as this one. I have tried Lyrica and Lamotagrine. It didn’t really help the nerve pain at all and just made me sick.

I am glad my therapy appointments are in the afternoon because it gives me a chance to wake up and relax a bit if my night was shitty. It doesn’t always work out that way but at least I can go to Starbucks and write a little in my journal before the appointment. I can either go to the Square or Central because there is a Starbucks right at the corner when you exit the station.

I hope I go to sleep soon. It’s really hot in my room but with the damn birds chirping I know it will be louder if I open my window. That will annoy me and it will be hard to get to sleep. Maybe I will take a shower to cool off some. I am kind of sweaty, even though I took a shower yesterday. It might exhaust me some and let me go to sleep afterwards. We’ll see.