Tag: red sox

28 Aug 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

28 Aug 18

My cell phone provider has been calling me all week. I finally answered the phone and they wanted me to upgrade. I told them to take me off their list as I will upgrade when I want not when you tell me to! Idiots.

I had PT today. My leg cramped up because of being weak. Then we worked on my thigh. We basically just massaged it with lotion, which I didn’t use last night when it was hurting the fuck out of me. It was hurting me today but walking around made it feel better so I didn’t care. I have no idea if massage is the only treatment for it or not. I wasn’t clear on what else can be done for it. She explained why it was hurting but it was kind of over my head. Something about the muscle being in a short position when I am on the computer or just resting in my bed. Doesn’t help with getting rid of the pain!! I still have to wear the stupid fucking air cast. I hate that thing. My AFO I had to remove on the way home. It just got really hot and my foot was burning so damn bad. I changed to my new sneakers and not sure if the plastic is getting hot from the heat or what. I got to call the brace clinic to find out what to do as this is not good. I would love to go without but am afraid that if my ankle goes out on me, I will be dragging my foot and that will be worse. My PT wants me to carry the cane with me just to have some support. I told her about how yesterday people were just stupid! I wanted to carry it just to hit people on the head. But she said just carry it in the bag. UGH ok. I need a bigger bag for all the things I need to carry. My messenger bag that I paid good money for is small for my needs. I am on the fence to go back to a backpack.

It was really hot today. I wanted to shower when I got home but lost the energy for it. I am too tired. I will tomorrow. I canceled therapy. My therapist sent me an email for that and for Monday as it is a holiday. I won’t see him until next week. By then things should be settling down some. I still have to work out the 2nd week in Sept as I have a lot of stuff going on. I might cancel that Wed so I have a rest day. I can’t do anything about seeing my PCP that Thursday as it will be a bitch to reschedule. Then wedding and concert. Yay! Not. I am still nervous about it.

My PT was telling me that she wasn’t surprised I flare every Monday as I am going through emotional stuff in therapy and then getting there and home takes a lot of energy. CRPS is a nervous system thing and so is the emotional stuff. So what ever I can do on the downtime on the ride home will help me. I usually listen to music but I can’t deal with the idiots that get in my way or the bumpy bus ride.

Tonight I am going to try and not pay attention to the game. They are playing the Marlins, interleague. I don’t like interleague games. I think it is stupid. But whatever. I don’t have a say in the schedule. The September schedule looks to be a bitch as we play tough teams, except the Mets but even easy teams we seem to lose so I can’t count them as an automatic win. We still are six games ahead of the snakes, who lost yesterday so that helped. Our last three games of the season is with NY. I have a feeling it is going to be a division thing but we’ll see. Just nerve racking but I am not going to think about it tonight. I am just going to listen to country music and maybe read Poe Shadow. Hope my pain doesn’t get worse. I usually know by 2100 if it will and it is not close to that time yet. Hate my life so much.

Diagnosis, pain, and other things on 23 Aug 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Diagnosis, pain, and other things on 23 Aug 18

I saw my neuro today. I have been seeing her for over 10 years. She called me by my birth name and I had to correct her. She said she didn’t notice it before I said something. I said you’ve known me for a long time and it was after I last saw you, so I am not surprised. She thinks the balance issues I have been having is because of CRPS and my ankle instability at the moment as I have a sprained ankle. She said she would email my PT to tell her “more exercises” in my right leg as I need to strengthen it to support me. We also talked about the thigh pain and she thinks it maybe a tightening up muscle. Also need PT for that as I can’t bend my leg behind me and pull my ankle toward my body. I haven’t been able to do that since my CES and now will be impossible as I can’t touch my ankle. I had horrible sensation pains last night that I had to keep my foot uncovered. I don’t think I fell asleep until after 0100.

Walking to the hospital was okay but set off my allergies as the pollen count is high. I also had to walk around while in the hospital because the café I usually go to was closed. I had to go to the main one which I had never been to before. I then kind of got lost going back to where my neuro was as I couldn’t find signs for the building. I was so annoyed. I get to the office and as I am taking my seat in the waiting room, my foot does the inward turn because it was fatigued as I wasn’t wearing my brace. I still had to go home so this was not fucking good. I talked about that with the doc as well and she just wanted PT. I have no new neuro stuff going on, which is good as I was thinking the worse and almost had a breakdown in the waiting room because of the turn. Walking back to the train station, I was wheezing bad and didn’t have my inhaler. I calmed down a bit but soon as I got home, I took my mother’s inhaler because I my ankle (CRPS) acted up big time. I foolishly side kicked the front door to shut it and my foot didn’t like the extension.

I bought pizza for dinner on the way home. My mother complained about it like she always does. Too thick. Too salty. Blah blah blah. After I ate, I went upstairs. I thought it was hot in my room so I had turned on the AC so it was fricken freezing in my room. I turned that off and the ceiling fan. I stood in the dark for a few minutes because I forgot the light was on. Shut off the power and both goes out. I so wish they were separate and I had a remote for them. Anyways, I am on my phone and I get an email saying I have a message on the patient web thingy that my doctors use. I check it and it was a message saying that I had a new visit note from my doctor. I scroll through it and nothing interesting pops up until I get to the diagnosis section. My neuro added that I have CRPS type 1 in left lower leg. HOLY SHIT I LOVE HER!! Finally, it is in my damn record I have CRPS!! No more denying that I just have chronic pain or chronic ankle pain. Maybe now the other idiots I see will READ and know this. I am so sick of them looking at my ankle and them saying I just have pain. It is more than that. So much more. I couldn’t have my sheet on my foot last night. It felt like it was burning me. That is how CRPS is.

I am in a lot of pain now and probably will be until I sleep. Sox had a day game so I won’t be up late, I hope. I had some orange spice tea as I am writing this. I am trying to wind down so I can sleep. Sox won their 90th game of the season. No one else in the MLB even has 80 wins! And to have it before September is so fricken awesome. There are roughly 30 games left in the season. If we can win 20 or more of those, I will be so happy as the Sox have not won more than 100 games in my lifetime.

another disappointing season

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Another disappointing season

Sox just lost their final game of the season. I am disappointed and frustrated. I am also depressed that I won’t be hearing about the Sox until February when pitchers and catchers report. Just another year of frustration.

I woke up around 4 in pain. In addition to physical pain, I had nerve pain. I took a dose of Neurontin with my pain meds and then tried to go back to sleep. I did and didn’t wake up till after 1300. I wasn’t in too much pain but I took my pain meds anyway as it was getting close to the 12 hour mark and I didn’t want to go through withdrawal.

Now that the ball game is over, I plan on taking a shower. I will be going to the courthouse in the morning and I don’t want to take it as I might not wake up in time. I have my alarms set for the week. I like that I can choose a day to set an alarm rather than picking a day of the week. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep as I am pretty nervous. If I wake up before 6, I am just going to stay up as I know if I go back to sleep, it’s going to be hard to wake up when my alarm goes off.

I made coffee and something to eat today. My pain is not too bad right now, but that could change after I shower. I have been trying to take it easy today to not cause a flare. I’d really hate to miss the courthouse and have to wait another time to change my name. I have waited so long for this to happen. I don’t know how quick it will be.

I’m kind of stressing over this week because I have appts every day. I think I am going to cancel the PT appt for Wed and then just go Friday. I need to make the appt for Thursday with the neuro. I have waited much too long for that and I don’t want a flare to keep me up all night.

Red Sox win game 3

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Red Sox win game 3!!

I listened to the Sox game today. It was win or go home. Things were bad in the first inning. They were down by 3 runs. Then they scored 1 run to make it 3-1. I got tired of listening to one of the announcers on the radio. He annoys me as much as his Twitter rants. My sister said that she made American Chop Suey so I went downstairs to have some. My mother was making BBQ spareribs so I didn’t want to eat that much. But I did. Then I had some of the ribs. The game was 4-3, with the Sox leading by 1 run. I’m not sure what happened next as I was cleaning up the kitchen and then went to my room to hear the rest of the game. Score went to 7-3 and then a Houston outfielder dropped the ball into the stands, making it a 3 run homerun, bringing the score to 10-3! I was so happy. We play tomorrow but the time depends on the stupid Skanks. They are facing elimination today, too. I hope they lose so we get the evening spot, course, I always hope they lose.

Other than stuffing my stomach, I didn’t do much today. I slept for about 6 hours. I finally had to go pee. Last night I had urine retention really bad. I felt like I had to go but nothing was coming out. I was talking to a friend of mine till around 5 am. I was in pain and it showed no signs of going away or backing down. I had moved my ankle a few times and that shot up my pain higher than it was. I was maxed on meds and I think between the new anti-psychotic and my pain meds, it just shut my bladder off. I emailed my psych about it but got no response.

I was having a somewhat okay day until I went downstairs and took 2 steps away from the stair case. My ankle flared up again and it’s been hurting me ever since. I haven’t taken my strong pain pill, yet. I might take it before bed.

My sister had posted on Facebook that she made some chili. I texted her and said she better give me some. Then she said she was making me a painting. I shook my head. While I was down my other sister’s house having the chop suey, she sent this sister a pic of the painting. She didn’t know it was for me so she showed it to me. I laughed because the text said not to show me. OOPS. It was a nice pic of a giraffe eating some leaves. My sister is a good artist, always has been. I can’t draw for shit. She brought over the painting when she brought me some chili. I’ll have it tomorrow for lunch.

Last night I was putting together the paperwork for my name change. I am going to go ahead with it on Tuesday. I set up a time for 9. I just hope I can get up early. Waking up before 8 hasn’t been good for me lately. I hope I sleep tonight.