used a lot of spoons today

Used a lot of spoons today

I had a rough night sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t go back to sleep till after 0500. I hoped that I would wake up around 1000 so I could make my sauce. I woke up around 0930. That was good enough. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Then I made oatmeal pancakes. My mother had a nurse come to the house around 1030 and I then started making the sauce. After the nurse left, my mother called me into the TV room to sort out the closed captioning. It wasn’t working. I tried everything I knew and then called Comcast to see if there was something wrong. There answer was the TV wasn’t connected to the cable box as there was no signal. OK. I had to call the TV manufacturer to find out how to fix it. So my mother had to watch TV with the sound on as she couldn’t read the words to the program. I told her I would try and see if disconnecting the TiVO helped at all.

I waited for her to have lunch in the kitchen and then I went into the TV room to finagle things. I disconnected the TiVo box and just connected the TV to the cable. Whatever I did, stopped the cable remote from working. Great. I called comcast again and the idiot tech kept giving me codes for the TV but it didn’t fix the problem. I spent at least an hour inputting 5 digit codes that didn’t work. I took the problem to twitter and within 5 minutes, the remote was working the way it should. I still didn’t have closed captioning though. My mother was upset at this but there was nothing I could do about it.

By the time I finished with the TV issue, the sauce was done. I was still full from the pancakes so didn’t make lunch. I told a friend that I would bring her some sauce and waited for it to cool a bit before I took it to her. She works at my dental office that is up the street from me. I had to mail some stuff and my mother wanted me to get some stamps at Walgreens. I have no idea why she doesn’t get them at the post office. The post office is like a block away from Walgreens. Just sounds stupid to me. So after I dropped off the sauce to my friend and mailed the letters, I went to Walgreens. I just made it to my street when my ankle went berserk. Fuck. I was wearing my AFO but that didn’t make a difference. I had been wearing the boot while making the sauce and fixing the TV. I was in a lot of pain. I made it to my house and carefully went up the stairs. I gave my mother her change and stamps and then went up to my room. My med alarm went off so I took some pain meds. I then played on my phone until I was ready to make dinner. I was getting hungry at this point.

I asked my mother if she was hungry and she said kind of. I decided to make pasta anyway. My ankle pain had subsided but I put the boot back on just in case. I cooked the pasta and then had dinner with my mother. Afterwards, I put what was left of the sauce in a plastic container and put it in the fridge. I was wiped out. I went upstairs to my room. My ankle is still hurting me. I got notification from Walgreens that the med the neuro wants me on is out of stock. Great. I am having misgivings about going on this drug.

I had notifications on Facebook so I checked them. Most were likes or reactions to the pics I posted. One was that It’s a Wonderful Life would be playing at a theater close by. I think I will watch it tonight as I finally reinstalled the DVD software. I was going to watch it the other night but was too tired to install the program to watch the movie. I am completely out of spoons right now and I want to go downstairs and get a twinkie. I really shouldn’t as I have gained a lot of weight. The jeans I wore today were kind of tight on me. Not a good sign. I feel bloated all the time after I eat, which just makes me feel like a fat pig. I know I got to lose weight but it’s so hard to keep track of calories and shit. I also love sweets so being on a diet just isn’t going to work. This weekend I want to make cream cheese cookies. They look easy to make though I don’t know if they really will be. I have to manipulate the dough to form a well for the cream cheese mixture, which is something I have never done before. I hope they come out ok.

Last night before bed, I started the book Tex by SE Hinton. I bawled in the 1st chapter. It was just so sad. I hope the book gets better. It has been years since I read this book. If I don’t watch It’s a Wonderful Life, maybe I will read. All depends on my pain levels and mental awareness. I am feeling really sleepy so I am not sure I can do either at this point. I did a lot today without meaning to. I still need to clear the TV cabinet of the wires I pulled out for the TiVo and throw the TiVo away. I am so sad that it no longer works. I had it for a good 16 years though. It lived its life. I also got to unplug the DVD player as the light is bothering my mother. I have no idea why there IS a light on if the thing is off. So stupid.

hurting big time

Hurting big time

I made the manwich, which was cooking some ground beef and then pouring in the Manwich sauce. It’s basically a Sloppy Joe. I had three sandwiches as the hamburger buns I bought were small. Then I got to work baking the chocolate zucchini bread. I spent the entire afternoon mixing, baking and cleaning up. The bread didn’t cook right at the temp they said it was supposed to be. Luckily, my sister came over and told me to cook it at a higher temp for 15 minutes more. It came out good but all you can taste is the baking soda. I used dark chocolate instead of milk or semi-sweet. It was really chocolatety and tasted more like a chocolate cake. I liked it but think next time, I am going to use baking powder instead of soda.

By the time I had the bread in the oven, my ankle, foot, and back were killing me. I had called my mother around 1530 to tell her to make whatever she wanted for dinner as I wasn’t up to it. I needed to rest. She misheard me and thought I said I was going to the doctors. She is hard of hearing and I think it’s getting worse as she ages. I never got to rest as my brother in law’s brother came over to say hi. We talked for a bit, exchanging our mental troubles and medications we take. Then my sisters came over so I stayed down to talk with them while I was fixing the stupid bread I was making. My foot was not happy.

My brother in law had bought rotisserie chicken so we had that for dinner. I wanted to go upstairs to my room but stayed to eat and talk with my sisters. My sisters were not speaking loud enough for my mother so both parties were getting annoyed. My mother was having trouble understanding anyway. You have to say the same thing several times for her to get it. It’s frustrating.

My bread is still cooling off. I’ll go downstairs in a little bit and put the cover on it so it doesn’t get hard. I don’t know if I will eat the whole thing in the next few days. It’s only good for 4 days, according to the recipe. But we’ll see. I really like the dark chocolate.

I finally went upstairs after washing my feet as I was barefoot the whole time I was downstairs. My feet always gets dirty while walking around the house as I never wear slippers or socks, especially in the summer time. My foot and ankle were glad I came up to my room. I was shocked that when I turned on the laptop, the battery was dead. It must not have gone into sleep mode when I printed off the recipe and left it unplugged. Oh well. I have it charging now.

I have a feeling I am going to be up all night in pain because I was doing stuff all afternoon. I am glad I don’t have to do anything tomorrow. I am pretty tired but that doesn’t mean anything. Pain is an instigator and likes to do what it wants to do. The bad part is that I took my pain meds around 1400 so I can’t take anymore for another 2 hours. I can take a strong pain pill if I need it. I am hurting but it’s not intolerable, though I should take it so it doesn’t become so. I just hate taking the pill because of side effects. I knew I’d be hurting but damn. Going to the store and then cooking and baking just took so many spoons. I wanted to make coffee when I got home and now I regret it. I had bought a big jug of sweet cream (and it’s really sweet) so I am set for the month to make coffee at home. Tomorrow I will make my Hawaiian coffee and maybe read a bit. I haven’t read since last weekend. Maybe I will tonight as I know I will be up in pain. I should be able to breeze through Rumble Fish.



I was finally able to shower after almost a week. I took a chance because my pain levels were low. I took a nap after my previous blog. I kept dreaming of going to the bathroom and sure enough when I woke up, I had to pee. My mother was making dinner and it was almost ready. She made vegetables and mashed potatoes and chicken cutlets. It was good.

I am still feeling crummy emotionally. I just want to hide under a rock. I don’t know if I am going to sleep good because I slept for about 2.5 hours. I’m hoping that I don’t wake up in the middle of the night again. It seems to be a recurring theme. It just ruins the whole day and it’s taking its toll on me emotionally.

I got a call from my PCP’s office that my prescription is ready for pick up. I am not sure if I will be able to go by tomorrow or not. It all depends on if I am done with my errands and such. I hope there aren’t a lot of boxes to carry from my therapist’s office. It will suck bringing it into the house. I’m kind of nervous getting my things back. It will be a lot of memories.

It’s almost 0400. I woke up around 0300 because of bloody side effects or withdrawal. I can’t be sure. My checks came in so I bought my groceries and paid a couple of bills. My bladder was calling next so I went to the bathroom. To my surprise, I had to have a bowel movement. I don’t usually have to go at this hour but I was grateful as it’s been almost a week since my last movement. Strong pain pill has that side effect. I have been trying to take less but it hasn’t been working out. I feel relieved now that I have went.

The side effects are calming down but my foot/ankle pain has ramped up. I can’t fucking win. I took my regular pain meds because it’s all I can take right now. I will be driving so I don’t want to take the heavy stuff. If it gets worse, I am going to have to. I have a high pain tolerance. I was trying to explain it to my therapist and I don’t think he got it. He wanted to know who I was angry at after I told him. Pissed me off. I still don’t know if it’s going to work out with him. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt as he does things quite differently.