A not so perfect ending to a bad week

A not so perfect ending to a bad week

I went to my workshop today. I got there okay and I forgot there was a Barnes and Noble on the street, which was tempting to spend my last few dollars after the workshop but I resisted and didn’t step foot in the door. That took great will power because I love bookstores. I got there an hour early so I had time to have my espresso and write in my journal without being rushed.

The class was pretty boring. It wasn’t engaging to keep my head in the game, so to speak and they emphasized using Twitter more, which I already use. They wanted just 5-10 tweets per day. I know I post most than that, including retweets. But they are not just book related. I can’t remember the last time I posted a link to my book. They also wanted to utilize Facebook groups to get the word out there. That I can see myself doing though it will take some doing. I did get some pointers as to getting on mental illness sites and organizations to help promote my book. That is probably the only thing I got out of the workshop. I brought up my blog and they encouraged making a page so I will work on that sometime this weekend. WordPress doesn’t “publish” so I might make it a blog and then post it as a page. BE ON THE LOOK OUT! I just don’t know what to say on the page yet. I wish I remembered what I write but I don’t. I also wish there was some traffic on my blogs that there are chapters in my book. That would be easier to put the link to my book and maybe get some sales.

They did say that the market is always changing and book selling is hard, especially for self-publishers like myself. I already knew that from my first book as it was hard just trying to get reviewers for my book. I think I gave away more books and got zero reviews. I don’t think I am going to take another course at this place. I just don’t feel it is helpful and this is my third time going to the place.

After the course, it took me a while to get to a train station that I could easily go home from. I walked really far from the place and my ankle was not appreciative of the journey. I got my exercise for the day, that is for sure. I did pass a McDonalds on my way to the T and was tempted to get a big Mac but I really didn’t want to stop as I knew it would be hard to get moving again. I got on the train and there was a person with schizophrenia on the train as he kept on saying the evil spirits took his money and his socks. He was really loud and scary. No one was paying attention to him, though I think a lady did engage him to try and calm him down, but it didn’t work. That just agitated him more. I felt really bad for him.

I had a message when I checked my phone after the course from the lady I met the other day about the chronic pain group. I returned the call when I got home and she told me I would be accepted in the group on the condition I have a therapist for at least three months. I got annoyed. It might take me three months just to find a fucking therapist. I didn’t say anything and just blew her off, thinking it was a lost cause. I then called my psychiatrist because she wanted me to touch base with her. We talked and she is looking for a therapist for me. She also wanted to know more about my pain so we talked about that. She also said that my PCP is a nice guy but doesn’t know me so is not sure how to take my pain needs. She tried conveying how I was as she has known me for so long. She said he might see me more but I haven’t heard from the office and I don’t see him for three months. So we’ll see if the guy will change his mind about being on a longer acting pain med. The rate I am going with my strong pain pill is not getting better. I am using it more because the regular pain meds are not as effective anymore. I have to pick and choose what I think will work best now.

It was good talking to my psych. I honestly think I would be up the creek without a paddle if I didn’t have her. We didn’t talk about my suicidality and I didn’t bring up my plan and how it’s ready to go during my next flare up. I took a strong pain med when I came home because I knew that is what I needed. I am feeling the effects of it and am wicked tired from all the walking I did. I am feeling discouraged about the chronic pain group. I think that would have been a helpful thing for me to be a part of and also give me the support I need about my pain. I know I post to social media about my pain but when it’s late at night, I don’t usually get a response. I know that is because most people are sleeping, like “normal” people will be doing.

It was really cold today. I don’t think it got above 30 degrees as the wind was horrible. My feet are cold now despite being under the blankets. Going to have to put on thermal socks on soon. I am so glad I bought them. Best purchase I ever made. They work better than regular socks and are so warm.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to A not so perfect ending to a bad week

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    sorry you didn’t get a lot out of the course. good you talked to your psych though. its a blessing you have her. xx

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