4 AM Blues

4 AM Blues

I woke up an hour ago due to pain. It was a good thing because it was 11 hours since my last dose. Not good. I am still feeling the effects of withdrawal as I am a little shaky. I should be feeling better in a little while. But the whole thing has me in a deep depression. I just feel so damn low, like I have gray clouds all around me and that there is a heavy weighted blanket on me. The other night I was lying down and it felt like I had this huge weight on my chest. I hate when I have these feeling because there is nothing I can do about it. I just go on as best I can but it’s so hard to be motivated to get out of bed, shower, brush your teeth, etc.

I want to make lemon and sour cream cookies today but I am not sure I will. I just feel crummy. The recipe is kind of difficult because I have to make zest and use lemon juice. I bought a bag of lemons because I wasn’t sure how many lemons I would need. The lemons are medium size. I think I will need at least 3 to make the cookies and maybe 4 for the frosting, if I feel like making it. I usually don’t like frosted cookies.

I made breakfast as I was hungry. Made an egg and cheese roll up with some Lavash bread. It was good. Then I cleaned up so my mother wouldn’t say anything to me. When I came back to my room, my damn ankle acted up so I took a strong pain pill. It’s kind of cloudy and rainy so it will be a good day to bake. I took out the butter that I need for the recipe. It has to be at room temp.

I finished reading my book, Free Refills. It was about a doctor struggling with addiction and how he got his license back to practice medicine. I couldn’t put it down once I started reading it. It was a really good book. I might write a review on it on Goodreads. I just need to collect my thoughts. Finishing that book made 10 so far this year that I have read. My next book is Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and another book called Sins of the Father by Lawrence Block. I read a few pages of the Harry Potter book. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It is interesting.

I’m going to go back to sleep now. Meds are kicking in and I’m feeling sleepy. I’ll write more later.

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