Another frustrating day on the psych unit 

The crummy SW came back. We met for less than 15 mins. No plan on helping me, just go with the flow. Met with psychiatrist who spoke about the anxiety suicidal ideation brings to clinicians. He wants a way to basically stop me from going there but acknowledged that it was basically my go to escape plan. No other plans for getting me out sooner were discussed. I am frustrated. I don’t want to be here but I need a safety net before I can fucking go. Told him I needed to work with my therapist on that, which I cannot do while I am here. I don’t think he got it. No plans for discharge were talked about. Bastard.

Contact person got me a shower chair. I just took some pain meds so in about an hour, I’ll take off my boot, see how my ankle and foot are, then try to shower. Hate that all these steps need to be in place for this activity but that is what it is like living with chronic pain.

I am getting really annoyed every single time I need a pain med the nurse asks me what my pain is. Then asks what will this bring it down to. Um, I don’t know? It could help, stay the same. Get worse because I move it, the pain could change to something else? Fuck. There is so much stigma around the damn pain and pain meds yet if I ask for an Ativan, they don’t ask me what level of anxiety or agitation I’m feeling. What the fuck is the difference? Just shut up and give me my meds!

As you can probably tell, I am very disgruntled, to say the least. I am a bit aggravated and annoyed. I only went to the group therapy group today. It was the only appealing group. I have read some more Harry potter this morning but now I am too discouraged to go back to it. It is the only book I brought with me so I am trying to stretch it out as I don’t know how long I’ll be here. 

I have no idea with the SW asked if I was dating. She always asks weird questions when every admission. Dumbfuck. Like dating would help me when I want to end my pain. Pfffttt. Last time I was here we spent a good amount of time going over my transition, which was not the reason for my admission. So annoying because when it was the reason I went into the hospital, they didn’t want to talk about it at all.

I’ve been having the same contact person nearly every day, which is good because then there is some continuity. I don’t have to go over my story every shift. I might take a nap before I take a shower just to see how my foot/ankle responds to no boot. If it doesn’t explode, that will be good. I could use a low pain day today. It is raining out and the week is going to be cold. But least no snow is in the forecast.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, disability, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Another frustrating day on the psych unit 

  1. G. Collerone says:

    I’m home now. Nothing got done. Just a waste of time

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    i’m sorry hospital was such a frustrating place to be. I’m really sad that there wasn’t more of an effort made and more of a plan put in place for you. at least they will talk about the suicidal ideation now though? xxx

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